


Fall from Grace

by MonPetitTresor



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec has wings, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Are assholes, Asmodeus character development, Clary is presumed dead, Demon Deals, Demon Summoning, Fallen Angels, Hurt Alec, M/M, Magic, Magnus gets his magic back, Magnus has no magic, Not 3b Compliant, Post season 3a, Protective Alec, Sad Magnus, Supportive Jace Wayland, The Clave, Wingfic, is he bad?, is he good?, obviously, spoilers in tags, the season isn't out yet, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-10-18 23:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17590721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor
Summary: When Alec found out what Magnus gave up just to save Jace, he vowed to do whatever it took to make things right.As Magnus had once said, Alec would blow up the very ground he stood on if it meant making things right.While others might not think this was the right thing to do, in Alec’s mind, it was the only thing. He wasn't going to let Magnus suffer. Not for this - not for him. He'd make it right, whatever it took.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SpencerRemyLvr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpencerRemyLvr/gifts).



> Okay, this is my first solo Shadowhunters fic. It's unbeta'd, so any mistakes are my own. Also, I haven't read the books, just seen the show.
> 
> Let me know what you think! :)

This had to be one of the stupidest things that Alec had ever done. And considering some of his life choices, that was saying a _lot_.

The whole thing had taken quite a bit of planning. Alec had to be careful every single step of the way. If any one of his friends or family got word of what he was about to do, there was no way he would’ve been able to get away with it. They would’ve locked him up if necessary until they could convince him otherwise, or Magnus would’ve trapped him in the loft somehow. Even if, by some miracle, Alec had convinced them to let him do this, they would’ve wanted to be there at the very least. That wasn’t something he could have happen, either. This wasn’t their fight.

It was his.

All of this was happening because of him. Because he’d been too slow, too stupid, to figure out what was going on with Jace earlier. Because he hadn’t honored his brother’s wish and killed him while he had the chance. Because Alec had demanded, over and over, so much from Magnus, begging him to find a way to fix the impossible. And just like always, Magnus found a way. Only this time the sacrifice was far too high.

Parabatai and partner – how was Alec ever supposed to choose? No matter what, someone was going to be hurt. But so far, time and time again, Alec had made the choice of his brother, the other half of his soul, and he’d made Magnus suffer for it. Even if it were just in little ways, he’d still done it. Just as he knew that there were times in the future where he’d end up doing it again.

But this time… this time Alec was going to make the right choice, the one he should’ve made before. He was going to make sure that the one who hurt from this was the right one. He’d take the pain so neither of them would have to.

* * *

It took days upon days of planning. Weeks spent watching Jace fight against the pain of what he’d done as the Owl, the pain of losing Clary. Weeks of witnessing as Magnus fought to exist in a world he no longer felt like he belonged in, trying to adjust to not having something that had always been an intrinsic part of him.

Whereas Jace vented his emotions outward, screaming and fighting and breaking things, hunting everything in sight, Magnus turned his inwards. He put on a smile and acted like he was okay. He put on a front and pretended like this was all some new adventure they were embarking on together. It was only at night, when the dreams woke him, that he let his walls crumble. It was the only time that he’d allow Alec to wrap around him while he grieved for the part of himself he’d lost.

Guilt was a familiar friend for Alec. Yet, lately, it was more of a constant companion, rearing its head every time that Alec watched Magnus snap his fingers, only to grimace when he realized nothing would happen. Or when he saw the way Magnus would wake up smiling, forgetting for one moment, only for it to come crashing back and wipe the smile right off his face.

Trying to find a way to fix all of this was just a given. There had to be some way to make things right. Something Alec could do to fix what never should’ve been broken. From the minute Alec had discovered what happened, what his lover had sacrificed, he’d been trying to think of a way to fix it while doing everything he could to be there for those he loved.

Alec looked everywhere for an answer. He read every book he could get his hands on, discreetly spoke with Catarina – who spoke with other warlocks, ones that she trusted, doing her best as well to try and find a way to fix this for her friend. Alec even had Isabelle study some of Magnus’ blood in the hopes that maybe there was something inside of him that they could use to help them figure out how to fix this.

Thinking of Magnus’ reaction when Isabelle had quietly told them that, for all intents and purposes, Magnus was no more than a mundane now, a mundane with the Sight… that was a night that Alec would never forget. It was the night he finally got to see Magnus actually _grieve_. It was also the night that fueled Alec’s determination to new heights.

There was nothing that anyone could do to help fix this, he was told. No magic, no spells, no way to make this right. Only one person – one being – could fix what was broken.

_Asmodeus._

* * *

Summoning Asmodeus wasn’t the easiest of plans. First, Alec had to find a warlock who was willing to do it. Someone not from New York, first of all. None of the warlocks here would do something like that. Plus, anything that happened here ran the risk of getting back to Magnus, or Catarina, and Alec wasn’t going to risk them knowing until it was too late to stop him.

So, that meant that Alec had to look outside of New York. Not only that, but he had to carefully select the warlock to make sure that they wouldn’t be someone who knew Magnus and who would run to him at even the suggestion that Alec wanted to do this.

Lying to everyone, to Magnus, felt wrong, but if it was what it took to fix it?

Alec was willing to do whatever it took to make this right.

* * *

Three months.

That was how long it took for everything to come together. Three months of Magnus without his magic. Three months of Jace ripping himself apart as he tried to find some word of Clary, some small scrap of something that might hint she was still alive. Three months of careful planning, discreet fire messages, and ruthless bargaining.

When it all finally came together, the payment made and the plans set, Alec couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that it was finally time.

He was at the Institute when he got the fire message. On it were GPS coordinates and a time, nothing else. Alec read them and felt the weight of his plans settle down on his shoulders and deep in his gut. What had been just _plans_ before was now set to become a reality. In just four hours, Alec was going to leave the Institute and go with a warlock he barely knew to summon a Greater Demon. To summon _Asmodeus._

So far, Alec hadn’t let himself think beyond the next step, the next part of his plan. Now that it was all coming together, the terror he’d been battling was free to seep in. _What am I doing_? he asked himself. _This is suicide. If Asmodeus doesn’t kill me,_ Magnus _will._

Magnus was going to be furious. Even if things worked out the way they should, there was no doubt in Alec’s mind that Magnus would be furious. Magnus, Catarina, Jace, Isabelle – _everyone_. But, if it got Magnus his magic back… Alec could deal with their anger. He’d dealt with the anger of others his whole life. It wouldn’t be easy – memories of the last time Magnus was mad at him swam to the forefront of Alec’s mind, bringing up the pain and loss of their time apart that he’d never forgotten.

Could he go through something like that again?

As soon as he had the thought, he knew the answer. _Yes_. A million times yes. Alec would sacrifice anything if it meant taking away that hollow, haunted look in Magnus’ eyes. If it meant making his partner whole and happy again. As Magnus had once said, Alec would blow up the very ground he stood on if it meant making things right.

While others might not think this was the _right_ thing to do, in Alec’s mind, it was the _only_ thing. Nothing else had worked. This was Alec’s last chance to fix the things he’d broken. Anger was a small price to pay to put the life back in Magnus’ eyes.

Slowly, Alec crumbled up the fire note, and then he let it drop down into the wastebasket beside his desk. He only had four hours left to get the last of his affairs in order. There was a chance that he wasn’t going to walk away from this. Alec knew it, and he accepted it. If his life was the price that Asmodeus demanded, then so be it. Alec had always known his life was less than Magnus’ in the long run. Magnus was meant to live for centuries more. While Alec didn’t doubt the other loved him, not anymore, he knew that Magnus was meant for more than just a lifetime with him. He was meant for greater things beyond that. Beyond one silly Nephilim.

Alec’s legs were steady as he rose to his feet.

Much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t afford to make any proper goodbyes to his family. None of them were stupid. They’d all recognized that something was going on with Alec. For now, they seemed to be attributing it to his own near-death experience, or the guilt he felt over what happened to those he loved. Jace was so caught up in his own pain there was a good chance that he might not notice anything more off with Alec today. But if Alec tried to go and talk to Isabelle… she’d always been able to see through him. And she’d do everything in her power to stop him.

That only left one option.

Alec wasn’t the type to use a bunch of words when only a few would suffice. Though it seemed like too little, he sat down at the desk in his old room, and he wrote a brief note to his siblings. _I’m sorry,_ he told them. _I have to make things right._

If he made it through this, he’d come back and take these letters, burn them so that no one would find them. But for now… for now, he hid them inside Isabelle’s pillowcase. It was something he’d done when they were younger. He’d hide something in her pillowcase, on the underside so she wouldn’t find it until she was already lying down in bed. Knowing Isabelle, she wouldn’t be in bed tonight until late, meaning she wouldn’t find this until everything was said and done.

After that, Alec took the time to prepare a few more things, get his office in order and prep a few more letters that he left in his desk. Letters to the various Downworld leaders. If Alec was gone, he didn’t want his work to suffer. Shadowhunters and Downworlders were getting closer and closer to a real sort of peace. Alec wouldn’t let that be sacrificed right along with him.

He was just wrapping things up and preparing to leave when his cell phone rang.

The sight of the familiar name on the screen made his stomach twist. Alec had to take a few steadying breaths before he could bring himself to hit the answer button. A soft smile was on his face when he brought the phone to his ear. “Hey, babe.”

“ _Alexander_.” Despite everything that had happened, there was still so much warmth in Magnus’ voice when he said Alec’s name. So much _love_. “ _I was hoping to catch you while you weren’t too busy. Catarina just called and asked us over to dinner tonight. I said I’d let her know – I wasn’t sure what your evening entailed._ ”

Alec closed his eyes against the wave of pain that tried to crash over him. It hurt – by the _Angel_ , it hurt! – but he forced a smile into his voice as he answered. “I wish I could, Magnus. But I’m a bit short-staffed tonight, so I’ve got to go out and help on patrols again. I was actually just getting ready to call you and let you know.”

“ _Oh. Are you quite sure they need you tonight? You’ve been patrolling more often lately._ ”

There was a slight edge to that last sentence. One that made Alec wince. He’d been using patrols lately as an excuse to make his plans. Judging by the sound to Magnus’ voice, that excuse was starting to wear a bit thin. _I’m sorry,_ Alec wanted to tell him. _I’m so sorry, Mags._ “Yeah. I’m sorry, babe. If…” Pausing, Alec swallowed down the lump in his throat, pushing down his own emotions. “If things go the way I’m hoping, this should be the last night I’ll have to do this for a while. I know I’ve been too busy lately. I’ll make it up to you. Dinner, anywhere you want, my treat. I’ll even let you pick my outfit.”

The laugh Magnus gave was low and a bit husky. It was one of Alec’s favorite sounds. “ _Well now, how can I refuse an offer like that?_ ”

“You go, enjoy a night with Cat, and start thinking about where you want to go,” Alec said. He was grateful Magnus wasn’t there to see the way his smile started to wobble. “I love you, Magnus. More than anything.”

“ _And I, you, Alexander._ ” Magnus went quiet for a second, almost like he was hesitant, like maybe he sensed something was off.

Alec didn’t give him time to come up with anything else. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to take Magnus’ gentle concern. Not right now. “I’ll try not to wake you when I get home.”

“ _You’re always welcome to wake me, no matter the time,_ ” Magnus said immediately. “ _Alexander…_ ”

“Gotta go. Love you!” With those last words, Alec quickly ended the call. His hands were shaking as he powered down his phone. Once it was off, he set it on the center of the desk, staring at it for one long moment before he finally jerked away.

It was time.

* * *

Getting to the location the warlock had given him was easy. No one stopped Alec on his way out. They didn’t see anything odd about the Institute Head leaving in the evening. By the time anyone figured out there was anything wrong, it’d be too late.

Alec followed the coordinates to the other side of town. He dropped down onto the rooftop just minutes before their scheduled time. Though he was early, the warlock he’d chosen was already there.

Tiberius Allen wasn’t what you’d call the flashiest of warlocks. Unlike the few that Alec knew, who seemed to embrace who they were, it was almost as if Tiberius was content to fade into the background. He dressed in all black – suit, shirt, even his tie – and kept his dark hair slicked back. He reminded Alec a little of those mundane mafia guys in the movies Magnus liked to watch sometimes. Or like the demons in that supernatural show that Magnus loved. He even had the pure black eyes, just like they did. His warlock mark, which he didn’t bother hiding.

There was something about the guy that made Alec’s skin crawl. Then again, any decent warlock worth their salt wouldn’t be the type to do what Alec needed. Tiberius had been quite happy to help out once Alec had given him the right incentive. There wasn’t much that couldn’t be bought with a few chests of precious jewels.

“Are you ready?” Tiberius asked, that flatness of his words making them sound bored and dull.

It was such a contrast to what Alec was used to dealing with. Everything Magnus had done, he’d always done with flair and style. _You’re doing this for Magnus_ , Alec reminded himself. “I’m ready.”

A portal was brought to life just inches away from them. Alec stared at it, knowing that this was the point of no return. There was no going back after this. Once he stepped through there, he was committing himself to whatever was going to happen next. Be it for good or bad.

In his mind’s eye flashed the images of Magnus, curled up against Alec’s chest as he sobbed in their bed, in the one space he felt safe enough to give up the pretenses and allow himself to grieve. Alec remembered what it felt like to hold Magnus as he shook apart, as his tears soaked Alec’s shirt and his fingers left bruises from how tightly they gripped at him. Those memories washed over Alec, and they strengthened his resolve.

When Tiberius held out a hand, Alec took it, and he stepped towards his fate.

* * *

The spell needed to summon a Greater Demon like Asmodeus – without unleashing him on the world – was a complex one. One that required precision and strength the likes of which very few warlocks out there had. But, between Tiberius and Alec, they’d come up with an alternative that presented little risk for the world… though greater risk for Alec.

Instead of summoning Asmodeus to them, or sending Alec down there, they were creating what Tiberius called a _neutral space_. A sort of pocket of nothingness where an astral projection of each of them would be sent. There, Alec and Asmodeus would be completely and utterly alone to work out whatever deal they needed, while their bodies stayed behind. They hoped that Asmodeus would be bound by the same rules of a summoning circle, but they had no way of knowing, and there would be no one there to protect Alec if it went wrong.

They chose the most secluded location that they could. An abandoned monastery in Greece. There was no one around for miles and miles. No risk of someone getting close without them knowing about it. Plus, Tiberius had been able to come here ahead of time and ward the whole place as much as he could, as well as prepare the ground for what they needed. Doing something like this on holy ground wasn’t exactly normal, Tiberius explained, but it would add an extra protection to Alec’s body as it lay behind waiting for his return. Plus, hopefully it would help prevent Asmodeus from trying to follow him back to the earthly plane.

Alec stood in the center of the circle that Tiberius had created, and he tried not to question himself. Now was not the time for looking back.

There was a dark black circle carved into the floor and marked with what looked like some sort of ash. Symbols were placed all around it. Protection, Tiberius had said, and containment. The dark, stone room was lit with candles that did nothing to take the chill from the air.

“Are you ready?” Tiberius asked. He stood at the head of the everything, jacket gone and sleeves rolled up. Those black eyes seemed fixed right on Alec, though he couldn’t quite be sure.

Alec took a deep breath. Then he spread his feet and dropped his hands down into a relaxed position at his side. One last time, he drew up the image of Magnus. Happy, smiling, those cat eyes showing through. Then Alec gripped that memory tightly and nodded his head. “I’m ready.”

The crackle of magic filled the air. Tiberius called it up with a wave of his hands as he spread them wide, and then drew them in with sharp, twisting moves that bore none of Magnus’ elegance. Off to the sides, the candle flames blew up high, and the very room seemed to echo as Tiberius began to chant in a language few even knew.

Harsh and guttural, the demonic language was one that sounded terrifying no matter who spoke it, and the aura of power that was behind it now only made it all the more chilling. Alec had to fight to keep his feet firmly planted as Tiberius’ chanting grew louder and louder, and the magic around the circle lit with a dark, unholy light.

When red-orange power began to build around Tiberius’ hands, Alec knew his time was up. He didn’t even get a chance to brace himself before those hands were being thrust his way, and the force of the magic hit Alec square in the chest, blasting every ounce of who he was right out of his body and into the dark.

* * *

Reality returned slowly for Alec. It came back in bits and pieces that felt as though they were being filtered through cotton. Everything was slow and just a bit muffled. There was the heavy sound of his own heartbeat, the cold of the ground underneath him, the hot burn of wind blowing up his spine. Those little bits pieced together to form a hazy picture of the world around him. Anchoring on that, Alec fought to clear his head even more. He flexed his fingers and tested the strength of them as he started to push his weight up from the ground.

“Oh, please, don’t rise on my account.”

The soft, smooth words seemed to be coming from both everywhere and yet nowhere. Alec didn’t allow himself to freeze; he knew who it was. Who it had to be. Disoriented though he might _feel_ , his mind was clear, and he knew where he was and why he was here.

Alec forced his eyes to open. What he found in front of him wasn’t quite what he expected. While he hadn’t been sure what their _neutral space_ would look like, never once had he considered that it might look like _this_. Yet, when Alec looked up from the hardwood floor and took in the room around him, a he wondered how he honestly could’ve expected them to go anywhere else. Alec and Asmodeus had nothing in common with one another. Nothing that was _neutral_ between them. Nothing – except for Magnus.

The familiar sight of the loft all around him was enough to ease some of Alec’s tension. Though seeing Asmodeus sitting calmly in Magnus’ favorite chair had Alec tensing all over again. He tried not to let it show as he rose up to his feet. Like hell if he was going to deal with Asmodeus while cowering on the ground. Though his legs shook, Alec stood stall and proud.

Asmodeus grinned at him. The light in his cat eyes was dancing with amusement. “Alexander Lightwood. It took you long enough. I’ve been waiting for you to summon me.”

The knowledge that Asmodeus had expected this threw Alec for a second. “You knew I was going to call you?”

“Of course I did.” Asmodeus seemed offended that Alec even had to ask that. He sat back, idly fiddling with the handle of his cane with one hand while the other rested on the armrest. “I’m the one that holds Magnus’ power, after all. If you want it back, where else were you going to go? I mean… I assume that _is_ why you’re here, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Alec said immediately.

Asmodeus grinned at him. “What price are you willing to pay for it?”

Alec knew better than to blurt out his first thought. Telling him ‘ _Anything_ ’ would only end in trouble for everyone. Biting his tongue to fight back that word, Alec waited until he had himself under control again to turn the question back around on Asmodeus. “What price are you looking for?” At the arched-eyebrow look that earned him, Alec shook his head. “We both know you have a price already set in mind for this. You’re far too smug about everything so far. You knew this would happen, and you’ve had time to think of what you want in return. So, why don’t we skip past the games, and you tell me what it is you want from me. Then I’ll tell you whether or not I’m willing to play ball.”

To his surprise, Asmodeus laughed. “Oh, I can see why my boy likes you. You’re not quite like other Nephilim, are you?” The way he said it didn’t make it sound like it was a bad thing. It was something Magnus had said before, too, though hearing it in Asmodeus’ voice didn’t mean anywhere near as much as hearing Magnus say it. “You remind me of Michael, in some ways. The older brother, fated to take care of the younger ones, always bearing the burden of responsibility and leadership on your shoulders. The perfect soldier. But you show hints of Lucifer as well in your willingness to rebel. To defy what you were told.”

“What do you want?” Alec repeated.

“Tell me, little Nephilim. What do you know of the story of Lucifer?”

It was hard not to start growling. Alec wasn’t in the mood for games. He wanted answers, and he wanted them now. Every moment he wasted here was another moment that the others had to try and find him and stop him. Jace had to sense something was going on now through their bond. Even with the depression he’d been in, he had to be sensing something. Once he did, he’d tell Isabelle, and she’d talk to Magnus. After that, there was no telling how much time Alec had before they found a way to hunt him down, no matter how well he’d hidden.

Yet, as much as he wanted to rush this along, he knew better. For now, he had to play along.

“Lucifer was once an angel,” Alec said, folding his hands behind him and falling into parade rest, his body both relaxed and alert at the same time. “He refused to bow down to humans, to love them more than he loved God. In his jealousy and rage, he created demons and rebelled against his Father. For that, he was cast down.”

Asmodeus made a low humming sound. “Mm, yes and no. Yes, he was an angel, one who refused to bow to humans. But Lucifer’s Fall was about more than that. For the love of his Father, Lucifer made demons to try and show his Father the corruptibility of humans. He did what he knew was wrong, risked everything, for his Father. For love. In a sense, you could say that was the whole reason that Lucifer fell at all. He was willing to give it all up.” A slow, cold smile curved Asmodeus’ lips. “That’s what I’m asking of you. That’s my price.”

It took a second for things to make sense. When they did, Alec was sure he had to be wrong. “You want me to… Fall?” Alec asked incredulously. When Asmodeus only smirked, Alec blinked at him a few times, trying to process his words. “But I’m not an angel.”

“You are half angel. Where an angel chooses to fall, they become a demon, another Prince of Hell. But, should a Nephilim choose to fall, while their human half might remain the same, the rest of them…”

The pieces finally slotted together in Alec’s mind. Those words worked like the final piece, the last one that he needed to make the picture clear. “Would become a warlock.” His eyes went wide with the realization. “You’re asking me to give up being a Shadowhunter and become a warlock.”

Asmodeus’ grin was wide and just a bit feral. There was a clear smugness to it as if he already knew what Alec’s answer was going to be. “Yes.”

“How is that possible?”

“It’s simple, really. There are two ways it might be done. One, you swear an oath of loyalty and fealty to one of the Princes.” Smirking, Asmodeus gestured to himself. “Like me.” The look of disgust on Alec’s face must’ve been clear, because Asmodeus laughed at him. “No, I didn’t believe you’d choose that one. Then, the second option, the only option left…” Pausing, he turned his hand palm up, and in his palm sprang to life a small flame.

That flame was darker than any other fire. The center was almost black, with the outer edges a dark, dark red, shadows shifting into blood. Alec stared at it, transfixed.

 _Hellfire_.

“When willingly taken in, the fires of Edom can burn through you, taking what was once angelic and changing it. It would burn the angel blood in your veins until you were just like us.” The smugness in Asmodeus’ voice grew. “You would be barred from your precious Alicante. The doors of the Institute would likely be closed to you. No more would you lead your precious Children of Raziel into battle against the demons. Instead, you’d be a thing they hated. A thing they _hunt_. Another filthy warlock. Are you prepared for that, little Shadowhunter? Are you prepared to give up everything just for one warlock who will forget you moments after you’re gone?”

The terror that his words had created had frozen Alec in his tracks. He hadn’t been able to move or even breathe as he stared at that fire. However… if Asmodeus had been trying to scare him away, he never should’ve mentioned Magnus.

Alec stared at that fire, and he thought of Magnus. He thought of Magnus before this, laughing with Alec as they curled up on the couch and drank cocktails while watching trash TV. He thought of Magnus snapping his fingers and summoning up a flower to tuck in Alec’s lapel when he visited him at work. And he thought of Magnus, standing in the kitchen with his shoulders slumped, not realizing that Alec was watching him try and fail to prepare breakfast by hand. Magnus, trying so hard to live the mundane life he was never meant to have.

Asmodeus had thought to scare Alec away. In doing so, he helped hand him the strength that Alec needed to get through this.

“Yes.”

The brief widening of Asmodeus’ eyes showed that he hadn’t been expecting that answer at all. Then he was narrowing his gaze on Alec, suddenly so much more interested than he’d looked just moments before. “There would be no turning back after that. What’s done cannot be undone. Once you commit to this, you will never be whole in the eyes of Heaven or the Host ever again.”

Even so, there was still just one answer that Alec could give. “Yes.” He took in the surprise that was on Asmodeus’ face, and he smiled. “It’s the one thing you’ll never understand. The part that makes us human. For him? I’d do anything if it meant making him smile again. So, bring out your contracts so we can make sure this is all tight and binding. You give back Magnus’ magic, and in exchange, I’ll Fall.”

There was a brief moment in which Alec wasn’t sure whether or not Asmodeus was going to call his bluff. He stared at Alec like he was some sort of interesting creature; one that was behaving in ways that made no sense to him. But then he was suddenly bracing on his cane and ever-so-carefully pushing himself up to his feet. When he stood, he was taller than Alec by only a little, yet the power he exuded made him seem so much larger.

“We don’t have physical contracts so much. But, as I’m sure you know, even with a half-summons like this, we demons are bound to our word.” That said, Asmodeus held out his hand, the hand that still carried the flame of Hellfire in it. He arched one eyebrow, and the corner of his mouth quirked up – a silent dare. One last chance for Alec to back away.

Alec didn’t allow himself to hesitate. With a tight grip on his determination and love, he reached out and clasped his hand to Asmodeus’, and in doing so, sealed the bond.

“So be it,” Asmodeus whispered. His eyes locked on Alec’s. “Let’s hope your heart is strong, boy. I find myself actually hoping you survive.”

The whole of the world – or whatever this neutral realm was – seemed to hold its breath. The fire between their palms was hot, but not burning, pressing down between their skin and pressing out, curling around the edges almost like it was testing Alec, testing his resolve. Alec held his breath, too, and watched, waiting. Was anything…?

All at once the fire seemed to _erupt_. There was a clap of something so strong, it was like thunder, echoing in and around him, and then Alec lost sight of everything as his world became nothing but _fire_.

Alec wasn’t aware of it as his body dropped to the ground. Nor was he aware of the screams that ripped their way up his throat and past his lips. All he could focus on was the fire that seemed to seep through every inch of him, burning in his veins, against his skin. Sight, sound, smell, touch, all of it narrowed down, focusing on only one thing – _the fire_. Alec had known pain before, but he’d never known anything like this.

His blood was burning, boiling, turning his veins and bones to ash only to remake them and burn them all over again. The world was made up of fire. _He was the fire_. Any pain he’d ever felt in his life, it was nothing compared to this. Alec was burning and dying and burning again, and it was agony, unlike anything he’d ever known, destroying him in ways he would never come back from.

 _Give in_ , it whispered to him. _Give up. Give in._ Over and over those words were seared into him with the lick of flame, and Alec couldn’t remember why he shouldn’t.

A scream echoed through Alec that he knew wasn’t his own. It was another part of him, a part he knew as well as he knew himself, just as much a part of him as anything. The fire was racing for it, grabbing at it, and Alec knew he couldn’t let it. He wrapped his hands around that light, that place in him that was screaming, begging, _pleading_ , and a picture of mismatched eyes leapt to mind. A part of his soul that he’d willingly given to another – one that he couldn’t let suffer for his choices. With all his strength, Alec grabbed that bond, felt as the fire weakened it, and he wrapped himself around it, refusing to let the fire have it.

From the other side he felt a swell of Heavenly fire reaching back, matching the Hellfire bite for bite, the two both pushing and pulling against one another, neither giving an inch.

The only thing that kept Alec from being lost completely was the other light – the one that sat in his heart. A light that not even Hellfire could attempt burn away. With the Heavenly fire protecting the other bond, Alec wrapped around that piece of his heart and held on tight. He clung to the image of cat eyes smiling up at him with all the love he’d ever need, to the feel of strong arms holding him as a voice whispered softly in his ear, the same words he said after every nightmare. “ _You’re safe, Alexander,_ ” it told him. “ _I have you. My strong, beautiful angel. I’m right here with you._ ”

Alec held tightly to that as everything else faded under the fire.

* * *

At first, he didn’t even notice as the fire started to fade away. It wasn’t until it drew back from his veins, outwards towards his skin, that Alec noticed the chance. Or that he even began to remember that he _was_ Alec.

The more aware he became, the more he was able to place the sensations beyond simply _fire_. Alec felt the burning on his skin – the burning of his runes. He became aware that his eyes were still there only when he opened them and saw his arms in front of him. Where he’d expected blackened skin – surely now it was nothing but ash? – he saw the familiar pale skin he’d always had. The only difference was, his runes… his runes were no longer black, they were glowing a dark red, like the fire had trapped itself inside them, chasing away every last essence of angelic power.

As Alec regained more of himself, he was able to remember once more _why_ he was doing this, and that gave him the strength to stay strong as the fire burnt away the very last parts of him that made him an angel. He watched as his runes changed, the black melting into his skin until nothing more than dark red scars remained.

The fire moved away from them, chasing along his skin until finally, it seemed to coalesce in his back. There, it grew strong once more, ripping another scream past Alec’s lips as it pressed and pressed until he thought for sure his skin was going to rip away.

Everything came together in one final sharp, ripping pain across his spine and out of his body. And then, it was gone, leaving Alec gasping on his knees.

“Well now,” that drawl was familiar, and, dare he say, a bit shocked. The earlier confidence seemed to have faded into something less. “I can’t say I was expecting that.”

Alec was too caught up in the relief to really register those words at first. When he finally did, they took a moment longer to really process. Lifting his head, Alec brought his gaze up from the floor, slowly traveling up the long legs in front of him until finally settling on the face of Asmodeus.

To his own surprise, Asmodeus didn’t look quite as cold or terrifying as he had before. He was looking at Alec like he was something new, something unexpected.

Those eyes, so like Magnus’ own, were running over Alec, taking in every detail. Whatever he saw had him chuckling. “Maybe there’s more to you than meets the eye, Alexander Lightwood. Perhaps you might be more worthy of my boy than I believed.” Another laugh tumbled from him. He reached one hand out into the air over Alec’s shoulder, and when Alec jerked back, he was surprised to feel something else jerk with him.

Shock had him trying to spin to see what was there, only to feel that same tug, a pull in his back, and the _thing_ jerked with him. Yet, Alec caught a glimpse, and it was enough to once more freeze him in place.

Was that…?

 _No_.

Slowly, carefully, Alec tested that weight, that strange sensation of new things, new _muscles_ , and he slowly flexed them forward, almost like trying to curl his shoulders in. What he found was enough to suck the air right back out of his lungs.

 _Wings_.

Asmodeus let out another delighted laugh. “Fate is such a cruel mistress,” he said mockingly. “She gives and takes with equal measure. You sacrificed a part of yourself, the very part that made you an angel, and in doing so, you _Fell_. She’s guaranteed you’ll never forget that.”

Alec stared at the wing beside him and felt his stomach clench. It was large, the feathers as black as his hair. They weren’t angel wings but nor were they demon wings. They were wings of the Fallen. Slightly burnt at the edges, shedding the ash of his old self as they shifted. A constant reminder to him of what he’d done, what choice he’d made. Asmodeus was right. Fate had guaranteed that Alec would never forget the choices he made tonight.

But he was wrong if he thought that it mattered. Alec blew out a shaky breath and tilted his chin up until he could glare up at the demon in front of him. “It doesn’t matter.” The words came out raspy from a throat that felt shredded and torn. From the fire, from the screaming, he didn’t know. “I did my part. Now you do yours.”

The grin that stretched Asmodeus’ face was chilling. “My dear boy, it’s already done.”

Alec didn’t have the strength to do more than twitch when Asmodeus reached for him. The feel of his palm settling against Alec’s forehead was almost cold compared to the fire that had burned there only moments before.

“It’s been a pleasure doing business with you, Alec.”

Those were the last words Alec heard before power blasted into him, and the dark swallowed Alec once more.


	2. Chapter 2

Reality was much less cruel this time as it slowly returned to Alec. He wasn’t cold or alone this time. Instead of lying on the ground, he was kneeling, his upper half cradled against something that was oh-so-familiar. A soft yet strong presence that he was more than happy to snuggle closer into. Something about it promised comfort and safety at such a deep level, Alec recognized it even before his brain fully kicked back in. He knew that feeling, that smell, the electric tingle that came with it as it danced over his skin, and that place inside told him _you’re safe here_.

The warmth against his back tightened, and a new pressure was brought up to the back of his head. Alec wanted to move, and yet he very much did _not_. Staying safely here where there was no pain sounded like an amazing idea.

Of course, it didn’t happen like that, because when was life actually _nice_ to him?

Sound started to come back to him, bringing in loud voices that he couldn’t quite decipher, though he knew that tone. It was the kind of tone that immediately had his muscles tensing in preparation for trouble. However, tensing those muscles brought back the pain he’d been trying so hard to forget, his aching body screaming at him for what he’d just put it through, and Alec had to suck in a sharp breath to keep from screaming once more.

“What the hell is going on?” someone nearby demanded. Someone angry, yet protective, that voice almost as familiar to him as his own.

Another voice was whispering “By the _Angel_.”

It was a different voice that really reached him, though. One that spoke just above his ear, low and heavy and full of the same love it always was. “Shh, shh, don’t listen to them. You’re all right now, darling. I have you. I’m here now, you stupid, foolish man. You’re safe now. No one’s going to hurt you, not anymore.”

A promise like that, delivered in that voice, carried weight to it. Alec found his body relaxing almost instinctively in response to it. _Magnus is here_. That meant he was safe.

The new muscles in Alec’s back flexed. As Alec forced his arms to move, curling them around the trim waist he’d already been clinging to, he felt those new muscles move as well, curling around them in an equally protective hold. It startled a few more curses out of those around them, and a watery laugh from the body he was pressed up against.

Maybe it was moving those muscles, or maybe it was the steadiness of the being he was clinging to, or maybe it was both – either way, Alec felt his head clear that much more, finally allowing him to break past the haze and start to really register what was going on around him.

As soon as he did, he almost wished he hadn’t.

Magnus was kneeling on the ground in front of him, cradling Alec’s body against his chest in a hold that was clearly protective. It let Alec press his forehead in against Magnus’ neck, one of his favorite places to hide after nightmares, or when the world felt like it was just _too much_. There, Alec had always felt safe. Loved. Now wasn’t any different.

Outside their little bubble of safety, he could hear voices that clearly sounded like Jace and Isabelle. There was another one, one that took him a second longer to place. _Catarina_. That’s right. Magnus had been with Catarina tonight.

Everything else began to trickle in with that thought. Talking to Magnus on the phone, him going to Catarina’s, Alec coming here to meet with Tiberius, and then… Asmodeus. Their talk, their deal, and the fire. God, the _fire_!

Alec must’ve made some sort of sound. The hand on the back of his head drew him in even closer, and Magnus started to make a soft shushing sound. At the same time, a familiar sensation began to wash over Alec. One that he’d never thought he’d get the chance to feel again.

The tingling warmth of Magnus’ magic started at the top of Alec’s head and worked its way down, radiating healing energy as it went and banishing the last of the aches and pains. It settled right between his shoulder blades for a long, long moment, chasing away the ache of newly grown muscles and bones, taking away a pain that Alec hadn’t even noticed in comparison to the residual burning of his veins.

Alec breathed out a sigh of relief as it became immensely easier to feel and move his wings without that pain. In response, he curled them tight enough that, when he opened his eyes and peeked out past his hiding spot, he could see they were existing in a cocoon of dark feathers. They still seemed to be shedding hints of ash from their edges. It was almost as if they’d burned right along with the rest of him.

Magnus must’ve been able to feel that Alec was moving and that he was slowly coming back to himself. Some of the tension drained from Magnus’ body as he reached to once more cup Alec’s head, though this time he slid his hand down so that he could catch the side of his face and use that hold to tilt his head up.

The very first thing that Alec saw when he looked up was Magnus’ real eyes, no glamour covering them up. That sight alone was enough to make him smile, though it didn’t last. Not when he saw the shining trails on Magnus’ cheeks to show the tears he’d shed. His makeup was smeared, his hair wasn’t anywhere near its usual spiked-up look, and yet he was still the single most beautiful thing that Alec had ever seen. Staring at him, Alec wanted to say so many different things, only for one single, hoarse word to tumble past his lips. “Hey.”

Magnus huffed out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Hey.” His thumb came up, swiping over Alec’s cheek and bringing his attention to the fact that Magnus wasn’t the only one to have cried. He wiped Alec’s tears away without ever looking away from his eyes. There was so much love in that gesture, in his stare. It showed through in his voice, even with the heavy warning that sat there as he said: “You are in so much trouble, Alexander.”

That… seemed fair. Alec had known he was going to be. “Okay.”

One corner of Magnus’ mouth twitched like he wanted to smile. He held it back, though, and just kept stroking Alec’s cheek. “We’re going to get you home where Catarina and I can take a proper look at you, and then you’re going to tell me everything. And I mean everything, Alexander.” For a brief moment Magnus’ eyes hardened, and Alec got a glimpse of both the hurt and the temper there. “You’ve already lied to me, and I’m not happy about that. No more.”

“No more,” Alec agreed easily. There was no reason left to lie. It’d worked. He could see it – he could _feel_ it. Magnus had his power back. Whatever sacrifices Alec had made, all that pain that he’d gone through, it was worth it, knowing that this was the result.

Magnus sighed heavily, and he leaned in, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you.”

A slow, lazy smile curved its way over Alec’s lips. He would never get tired of hearing those words. “I love you, too.”

If it were up to Alec, they would’ve stayed there for quite a while. There was nothing more that he wanted than to stay wrapped up in Magnus. Unfortunately, the rest of the world didn’t agree with him, and he couldn’t bring himself to indulge in the more selfish parts of himself, not when his siblings were still panicking behind him. Alec owed it to them to let them check him over and yell at him. Because there was no doubt in his mind they were going to do plenty of that.

Unfortunately, moving was easier said than done. It took a few attempts for Alec to figure out the use of his wing muscles so that he could draw them back. Even then, they hung loosely, twitching each time he twitched his arms, shifting with him when he took hold of Magnus’ arms and let his partner pull them both up to their feet.

Alec barely got the chance to stand up straight before he found himself being hit with the bullet that was his little sister. Isabelle shot at him, and Alec reacted on instinct, one arm – and one wing – opening up to catch her against his side. Magnus stayed at his other side and braced him, which was the only reason why Alec and Isabelle didn’t topple to the ground.

“You’re alive,” Isabelle breathed out against him. The tears he could hear in her voice broke his heart. He opened his mouth to speak, only to have her beat him to it, jerking back and punching his arm as she cursed at him. “You idiot! What were you thinking? You could’ve _died_!”

“I’m right here, Iz…”

“Jace felt you dying!” Isabelle cut in, her sharp voice cutting away anything Alec might’ve said otherwise. “Your bond started to fade, Alec! We thought we were going to be too late to find you. You stupid…”

As Isabelle trailed off into a furious stream of Spanish, Alec looked over her shoulder, his eyes seeking out the other half of him standing just a few feet away. Until this moment, Alec hadn’t really thought too deeply about what he felt during his change. He didn’t _want_ to think about it. But, now that he was, he couldn’t _stop_. He remembered what it felt like as the fire burned through him. The feeling of it burning his runes one by one – and of the Heavenly fire that had blazed up to meet it when the Hellfire touched the parabatai rune.

Alec’s eyes dropped down, his hand already breaking away from Isabelle to reach for the hem of his shirt so he could draw it up, needing to see his parabatai rune for himself. What he found had him gasping. Whereas the other runes were dark red scars, his parabatai rune was… it was the same dark red, only it was lined in gold. The very same gold that Jace’s runes and eyes were when he drew deep on his angelic power. That gold was wrapped around their parabatai rune in a protective layer.

When Alec looked up again, he found that Jace had lifted his shirt as well to show off his own rune – an inverted version of Alec’s. Gold, wrapped in dark red. A physical representation of the two parts of them, bound by their promise to love and protect one another, and marked by the two very different parts of them.

“Jace…” The word tore from Alec’s still-sore throat in an agonized whisper. He hadn’t planned for this to happen. He hadn’t wanted to hurt his brother anymore than he already had. When Asmodeus had offered the deal… Alec was ashamed to admit he hadn’t thought of their bond. Had Jace felt it? Had he burned with him?

Their bond was open wide between them at that moment, and the warmth and love that Jace sent him back told Alec that his brother had felt all of Alec’s pain, his guilt, his sorrow, and he still loved him anyway. “I’m always with you, brother. For whither thou goest, I will go,” Jace said softly, taking a step toward him. “And where thou lodgest, I will lodge.”

Neither noticed as Isabelle stepped off to the side to make room for him.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world to open up his arm and bring Jace in against him. Alec wrapped arms and wings both around his brother and felt their bond steady between them even as it opened wider than ever before. In it, Alec could feel the pain he’d put Jace through, the fear, and his joy at finding Alec alive. Love, guilt, sorrow, regret, anger, forgiveness: emotions flowed back and forth between them without any need for words.

When they pulled apart, Jace grabbed his shoulder and gave it a squeeze, smiling as he did, and Alec knew that while the others might be mad at him – Jace was definitely still mad at him – his brother would have his back. Just the way they were supposed to.

It was Catarina who brought them back to the present. “As touching as this is, I suggest we get somewhere more private.”

“Are we sure he can handle portal travel right now?” Isabelle asked softly. “Look at him… he’s barely tracking anything but what’s right in front of him.”

Alec would’ve resented those words if they weren’t true. The longer he was up, the less steady he began to feel.

“Well, we can’t stay here,” Catarina pointed out. Her words were followed by the familiar tug in the air of portal energy.

Jace pressed his cheek against Alec’s for one last, brief moment, and then he drew away, calling out a low “Magnus,” as he went.

In the next moment, Alec found himself being carefully passed from one set of arms to another. Jace vanished from his side only for Magnus to appear in front of him. He caught Alec by his hips and drew him in close, their bodies pressing together. Alec instinctively brought his hands up to rest against Magnus’ shoulders, and he focused on his eyes, anchoring on them.

“That’s it,” Magnus murmured bringing Alec closer. “Focus right here on me, darling. The rest of it doesn’t matter. Just focus here with me.”

They began to move together. Magnus stepping back, and Alec drawn with him, step by step until they were moving through the portal and out the other side.

Portal travel hadn’t ever really bothered Alec. He’d always been able to move easily through it, even continuing to talk with Magnus as they went. They’d used them often enough when Magnus took them out to various places around the globe. But this time… this time, it wasn’t _hard_ , but it was _different_. Alec swore he could _feel_ the portal around him as it drew him from one place to the next. He could feel it in his wings, tugging at every feather, pushing and pulling them in a way that had him jerking them outward as they landed, trying to break them free.

Magnus didn’t miss a beat. He kept backing away from the portal, making room for others to come in, and he drew Alec even closer to him. “Hey, eyes right here, Alexander. Focus on me, remember? I have you, angel. You’re safe.”

Alec stared at him, opening his mouth to say something, to apologize maybe. Only, once again, what came out wasn’t at all what he’d intended. “I’m not an angel anymore.”

Slowly, carefully, Magnus brought both of his hands up, reaching beyond Alec’s shoulders to his still fluttering wings. He didn’t seem to care as something was knocked over and crashed to the ground. Magnus just continued to calmly reach for the top bone of Alec’s wing. The feeling of Magnus’ hand closing over the arm bone of his right wing, such a gentle touch, had Alec shivering. Yet, before Magnus could pull away, Alec flexed that muscle and pressed it _up_ , into Magnus’ palm in silent permission.

The smile that lit up Magnus’ face was wide and bright. “Or, you are more an angel than you ever have been.”

Alec really wanted to say something to that. He _did_. But the words vanished somewhere between his brain and his mouth in a dizzying swirl that had his eyes drifting shut almost against his will. Alec heard Magnus say his name, low and worried, but it was more than he could focus on at the moment. Everything was just… too much. He swore he could still feel the fire jumping around, teasing and burning somewhere in his chest, and though Magnus had healed him before, every move of Alec’s new wings was making his back throb.

The fire flared up again, hotter than ever, and Alec groaned even as he tried to curl his body in.

He barely registered the shouts that started to happen around him. “Catarina!” Magnus snapped, his voice coming through clearer than the others.

Hands were on Alec, lifting him, holding him in all sorts of places, and Alec wasn’t sure he didn’t black out for a moment. The next thing he was aware of was something soft underneath him – when had he lay down? – and more voices calling out around him.

“You can’t be in here – he doesn’t have control right now!”

“Get out of my way!”

“Alec? _Alec_!”

The cacophony of noise was too much. Alec couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. He was falling, burning, breaking, the fire spreading out over his limbs again.

There was no telling how lost he might’ve become if it weren’t for Magnus. One second his voice was lost amidst the others, and the next second he was above Alec, _on_ him, straddling his waist and pinning his arms above his head, curling himself down over Alec until they were face to face. Strong arms bracketed Alec’s head while his wrists were held tightly in Magnus’ hands. It left Alec pinned down and completely surrounded by Magnus.

Those bright, beautiful cat eyes were just inches away from Alec’s own. “Look at me,” Magnus demanded. And it was very clearly a demand. “Don’t pay attention to the rest of them. Look right here at me, Alexander.”

“M-Magnus.”

“That’s right.” The arms on either side of Alec’s head pressed in even closer until his head was forced completely still. His eyes seemed to take up the whole of Alec’s vision. “I need you to breathe with me, Alexander. Eyes on me and breathe. Inhale through your nose – two, three four. Good, darling. Now hold it – two, three, four, five, six, seven. And, back out – two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. There we are, that’s it. You’re doing well. Now, again.”

The rest of the world slowly began to shut off as Alec followed Magnus’ directions. It wasn’t the first time he’d lost himself on the steadiness of Magnus’ voice. He’d been teaching Alec about meditation lately, convinced it would help him de-stress when he got too lost inside his head or overwhelmed from work. It’d come in handy during Alec’s recovery time after the Owl stabbed him. Now, it helped Alec to shut off everything else and slowly, carefully, get his breathing and body under control.

Not just that, but the burning inside of him began to subside once more, leaving behind a warmth that was no longer painful. It felt… it felt a lot like his bond with Jace, only it was right down in the center of him, in that ‘core’ that Magnus had taught Alec to find during their meditation sessions. That warm feeling was there, curled up and content like a purring cat, and the loss of tension had the rest of Alec’s body slumping down into the bed in exhaustion.

“There we are, _cintaku_ ,” Magnus murmured. He bent down, brushing his lips over Alec’s in a gentle, teasing kiss meant to comfort them both. “You’ll be all right. Go to sleep – I have you.”

Trusting Magnus was one of the easiest things in the world. Alec didn’t question it. His body responded instinctively, eyes closing and muscles relaxing, knowing that he was perfectly safe right where he was. Magnus was here, and he would keep them safe.

Alec gave in to his body’s exhaustion and drifted off to sleep with the weight of Magnus over him, and the warmth of his magic wrapped all around them.

* * *

Feeling Alec’s body slump down underneath his as he finally gave in to the exhaustion written all over him was enough to have a heavy sigh ripping its way from Magnus. For a second there he hadn’t been sure that he was going to be able to get through to him. Alec had clearly been panicking, and in pain, and he’d been lashing out in a way that none of them – not even Alec, he had a feeling – had expected.

Even with the clear changes to Alec’s body, to the very _essence_ of him, Magnus hadn’t even entertained the idea of just how deep those changes went until Alec began to panic and lose control, and the red sparks had begun to dance along his hands and arms. _Magic_. Raw, uncontrolled, new magic, reacting to Alec’s fears and his pain on an instinctive level.

They’d taken Alec out of the living room, trying to get him away from the others and into somewhere familiar, somewhere comfortable. Their bed had seemed like the most natural place to take him.

Laying him down with his wings – sweet merciless Lilith, those _wings!_ – had taken a bit of tricky maneuvering. They were massive enough that even getting him through the bedroom door had taken careful work which they didn’t really have the time for. Magnus had been forced to be a little rougher than he liked in drawing the wings in until they were pressing against Alec’s back instead of jerking out to the side.

Once they had him in their bedroom, a few pillows to press against the center of Alec’s back, lifting him up just enough that he wasn’t lying on his joints. They’d laid him down, Magnus and Jace, while Catarina tried to get Isabelle to wait out in the main room for them. She’d tried to kick Jace out too, something that Magnus could’ve told her wouldn’t work. There was no point in trying to force them out. Magnus left her to that futile fight and focused on his boyfriend and his newfound panicking magic.

In the end, Magnus had fallen back on the one thing they’d discovered worked after some of Alec’s more intense nightmares. A firm pressure, the shut off of everything else around him that wasn’t _Magnus_ , practically forcing Alec to anchor on him, and careful breathing. Those things worked wonders after Alec’s worst nightmares, and they’d worked now. Instead of panicking, Alec had finally given in to his body’s clear need, and he was unconscious. He’d more passed out than fallen asleep.

Magnus let go of Alec’s wrists and gently drew his hands back, stroking over Alec’s hair as he went, smoothing out the lines in his forehead. He took just a moment to stare down at the face below him, tracing its familiar lines. At that moment, Alec looked peaceful, the lines of stress and worry that had been present the past few weeks finally gone. “You stupid, foolish man,” he murmured. “What did you do?”

They all knew the answer to that question. There was only one obvious answer. Magnus had known from the instant he’d felt that fist of something hitting him right in his center, knocking his breath away as he fell forward against Catarina’s table. He’d known as he felt the empty places inside himself slowly begin to fill with the beautiful, glorious, _familiar_ warmth where there’d been nothing for far too long. Magnus had felt his magic come back to him, and he’d _known_.

Catarina had been there, hand on his shoulder, and he’d heard her gasp out his name. No doubt she’d felt his power filling him. But all Magnus had been able to think of was one thing – one word. “ _Alexander_.”

Little things that Magnus had been noticing lately all came together. The long, quiet moments with Alec, the worried looks he’d catch sight of out of the corner of his eye. The long nights at the Institute. Up until that moment, a part of Magnus had worried that Alec’s guilt had been getting to him, making it hard for him to come home and see Magnus. Which, well, he hadn’t exactly been wrong, had he? Alec’s guilt _had_ been getting to him. But Magnus should’ve known better than to ever think that Alec would just hide with it.

He’d called it once when he’d told Alec: ‘ _You'll blow up the very ground you stand on to make something right.’_ Alec had done it once, at his wedding, and now he’d done it again. For Magnus.

The biggest part of Magnus wanted to stay here in bed with Alec. He wanted to roll to the side and drape himself over his lover so that he’d know the instant Alec began to stir again. Unfortunately, the practical part of his mind knew that he couldn’t, not yet. Some things had to be dealt with first. The Shadowhunters had questions. Of that, Magnus had no doubt. Either he stayed in here and they’d demand answers, risking waking Alec from his much-needed rest, or he took them out of here and answered them all where they wouldn’t be able to disturb Alec.

There was really only one option. It didn’t make it any easier for him to get up off of Alec, though. Magnus had to force himself to let go of Alec and actually move away from him. Easier said than done, really.

Once he was on his feet, Magnus took one more look, and then he forcibly turned himself around and walked out of the room.

Everyone followed. Magnus was a bit surprised; he’d expected Jace to try and stay behind. But they all came out to the living room with him. The need for answers must’ve won out over the need to watch over his parabatai. As they went, Magnus snapped his fingers, putting up wards over the bedroom that would alert him the instant Alec began to stir in the slightest way.

The rush of having his magic flowing through his fingers again was almost enough to take Magnus’ knees out from under him. He wanted to use it for _everything_. Let it run unchecked through him just to remind himself that it was still there. He wanted to meditate and reach down into the place that had been so empty lately.

Even with as furious as Magnus was right now, he couldn’t deny the part of him that wanted to laugh and cry in joy at being whole once more. He wanted to throttle Alec for putting himself at risk, and he wanted to kiss the man senseless for giving him back this part of himself. Magnus could’ve learned to live as a mundane – he _had_ been learning. But, no matter what he did, or what anyone else had done, there’d been a giant empty void in Magnus that nothing had been able to fill. His magic was as much a part of him as his heart or his soul, and now he had it _back_.

There’d be time to celebrate later, though. First, they needed to deal with Alec, and with this new mess they found themselves in.

As soon as he reached the living room, Magnus turned to his drink cart. “I’ve put up wards to let me know the instant he stirs and to make sure there’re no more flare-ups like what just happened. Even so, I’m not fond of leaving him alone in there right now. So, ask your questions. You’ve got until I finish my drink before I’m going back there.”

“What happened to my brother?” Isabelle demanded immediately. She didn’t waste time, cutting right to the quick of it in that no-nonsense way she had when things were important. Beside her, Jace was oddly quiet, watching and listening without interrupting, something that was quite out of character for him.

Unfortunately for them, it wasn’t an easy question to answer. Magnus finished mixing his martini before he turned around to face them. “The short version?” He huffed, strolling towards his favorite chair. “Your brother’s an idiot. A wonderful, amazing, self-sacrificing idiot.”

“We already knew that. What did he do?”

Now that was the question, wasn’t it? And, for now, there was only so much of an answer that Magnus could give. “I wasn’t with him, so bear in mind, most of this is supposition. But, it would appear that Alexander, having run out of ways to try and return my magic to me, decided to summon a Greater Demon and make some sort of deal.” There was no need to tell them that it had been Asmodeus that Alec had likely summoned and made that deal with. He was the only one that would’ve been able to return Magnus’ magic to him.

They seemed to take that bit of information in stride. Either from having realized what was going on when they found Alec, or just from using common sense. “And the… the wings? Are we thinking those are part of this deal or whatever?” Isabelle asked.

That question drew Magnus out of his thoughts and had him fighting back a wince. Luckily for him, he wasn’t the only one with the answer to that, and Catarina took pity on him. She sat down on the armrest of his chair, one hand going to rest on the back beside his head where she could press against his neck and offer comfort. Her tone, though gentle, was straightforward and steady. “The wings are just a manifestation of a bigger change. Were I to make a guess, I would say that Alec offered up something much stronger in exchange for Magnus’ magic.”

“Angel blood,” Jace said lowly, drawing surprised eyes. Everyone looked at him, but he only had eyes for Magnus. There was a serious, heavy look there that only made Magnus’ stomach clench even more. Everything Alec had felt, all he’d gone through, Jace had felt it, too. The ghosts of it sat in his eyes now. They lay heavy in his words as he spoke what Magnus and Catarina had already sensed. “Alec gave up his angel blood. I felt it… felt him change. He’s…”

“He’s a warlock,” Magnus finished for him. He ignored Isabelle’s sharp “ _What?_ ” but kept his focus on Jace. Magnus held his gaze and continued to speak; to explain what little they knew to the person in this room who was as close to Alec as Magnus, if not closer in some ways. “I don’t know how it happened, or what the demon did to cause it, but there’s not a drop of angel blood left in him. Every bit of it has changed. I felt it in him when I healed him. The wings and the magical display here only proved it further. Alexander is no longer a Shadowhunter.”

Those words struck the room hard. Silence fell over them all for a long moment; each one of them taking the time to process this. It was… it was _huge_. Being a Shadowhunter was who Alec was. It was a vast part of him. Being a Shadowhunter was all Alec knew. It was what he’d been raised to be. Without it… who would he be? Would he be able to live with himself once it truly sank in that he’d lost everything like this? That he’d given up the only real life he’d ever known?

To make matters worse, he wasn’t just losing his heritage. No, Alec had become one of the very things that most Shadowhunters hated. Demon blood ran through his veins. How would he be able to look at himself, knowing that?

Would he grow to hate himself? Hate _Magnus_ for putting him in a position to end up like this?

The thought sent a chill down Magnus’ spine.

Those dark thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Magnus blinked his eyes clear, not realizing just how much he’d gotten stuck inside his own head. He found Jace still watching him, mismatched eyes gone just a bit darker than normal. “The wings… they’re his warlock mark?” Jace asked. At Magnus’ nod, he nodded back. “I thought so.” For a moment, the young man closed his eyes, and Magnus caught a glimpse of the grief that had sat so heavily upon Jace lately. His shoulders slumped, and there was a defeated air to him. But then he was drawing in a breath, and it was easy to see as he forced himself to straighten back up, to take up the mantel that no one his age should ever have to bear.

These Shadowhunters. They were so young to go through what they went through. Too young to carry this kind of heartache and grief.

Isabelle had turned towards her brother at Jace’s words. She still looked stunned, as if their words hadn’t fully sunk in for her yet, but there was that fierce determination written all over her. The one that had been there from the moment Magnus met her and had only grown stronger after the recent hell they’d all gone through. “So, our brother’s a warlock now?”

“Yes,” Catarina said. Nothing else. Just the flat, simple answer, even if none of this mess was _simple_.

Magnus huffed and took another sip off his martini. Yes, Alec was a warlock now, and everything pointed to him doing it because of _Magnus_. To return Magnus’ magic to him. To make him whole. Alec had given up who he was, either knowingly or not, for _Magnus_.

“Sucks, doesn’t it?”

The low words had Magnus’ eyes snapping up. “What?”

Jace’s lips were quirked up in a grin that was just a too sharp and self-deprecating to be considered an actual smile. “Having someone sacrifice for you,” he clarified. “Sucks, doesn’t it? The guilt. It’s like this twisting knot in your stomach, and you feel kind of like you’re gonna throw up. Knowing the person you loved gave up a chunk of themselves for you – it pisses you off, and it _hurts_ , and all you want to do is strangle them and make it better all at the same time.”

The message in his words and his eyes was clear. Magnus had to swallow down the bile that had already been threatening in his throat.

It must’ve shown on his face, because Jace huffed out a humorless laugh. “Yeah. It’s been, what, a half hour, total? And you already look like you’re ready to go take on anyone to try and fix this. Alec’s been living with this feeling for months. An you know he does guilt better than anyone else.”

The truth to those words hit Magnus hard. Inside, he flinched, but on the outside, he went hard. “He could’ve talked to me,” Magnus snapped in a voice gone sharp. “This wasn’t on him. _I_ made the choice for this.”

Even as he said the words, though, he knew better. Alec wouldn’t talk to him about his guilt for what Magnus had given up. There was no way that Alec would want to do anything to upset Magnus more. Nor would he want to seem like he was trying to make this about him. Alec didn’t even like the focus being on him even when he was the one that was hurt. In a situation like this, there was no way Alec would’ve done anything to make it seem like he needed any kind of attention. All of his focus would’ve been on Magnus, and that’s where he would’ve wanted everyone else to focus, too.

Jace nodded as if he’d followed along with Magnus’ thoughts. “Yeah, you did. And so did he.”

Those words silenced Magnus. Any argument would seem like he was trying to take away Alec’s choice. That was something that Magnus had made damn sure _not_ to do throughout their relationship.

“Did you seriously think Alec was just gonna, what, shrug his shoulders and say _oh well_?” Jace asked, voice a bit softer. He raised an eyebrow in a look that clearly asked _are you stupid?_ “Seriously. There’s one thing my brother does well, and that’s guilt. There was no way he was going to sit back and not fix what he considers his own mistakes.”

“This was my choice,” Magnus repeated. “I made it knowingly and willingly.”

“You really think that matters? You made that choice _for him_. To save me, to save _Alec_ , you gave up a part of who you are. A huge part. You think he and I don’t know that? That we didn’t want to bust our ass to fix it? Alec was always gonna do what he could to try and make that right again. He might’ve wanted your help with me, and he might’ve been willing to let you take stupid risks to try and fix things, cause yeah, he was scared. He was terrified about losing me. But he never would’ve asked you for something like this.” Jace leaned forward, making damn sure that he had all of Magnus’ attention. “I might have a piece of his soul, Magnus, but you’ve got the rest of it, and his heart, too. There’s no world where Alec wouldn’t do everything to fix things for you.”

Those final words stole the last of the wind from Magnus’ sails. No one… no one had ever loved him like that. No one had ever _chosen_ him the way that Alec did.

There’d been times that Magnus had wondered about Alec and his choices. After all this with the Owl, and Magnus’ magic, with everything he’d given up to help Jace, Magnus had thought Alec would always choose Jace first. He’d even convinced himself it was okay. That it was understandable. Jace held a literal piece of Alec’s soul, just as Alec held a part of Jace’s. They were _parabatai_. Magnus had convinced himself that Alec choosing Jace was only logical.

And yet… and yet here they were, and Alec had chosen him. He’d chosen Magnus.

A tug against the wards broke Magnus out of his thoughts. _Alec was waking up_.

In an instant, Magnus was on his feet, glass vanished from his hand and any thoughts this conversation had dragged up pushed away. There’d be time for this later. He’d given the basic information, answered what he could. The rest was going to have to wait until tomorrow. For now, his partner needed him, and he was damn well going to be there for Alec. “You’re welcome to make yourselves at home out here. I just ask that you avoid coming back to the bedroom unless asked. Until we’re sure he has some form of control, you run the risk of getting hurt, and Alexander would never forgive himself.” With that warning, Magnus was off down the hall, leaving the trio to do whatever it was they were going to do. Magnus didn’t really care.

Alec was just beginning to really stir when Magnus reached their bedroom. That first glimpse had Magnus going still for a moment, his breath caught in his throat.

At some point, Alec had rolled over onto his side. The wing under him didn’t look like it was comfortable, and Magnus couldn’t imagine it felt good lying on it like that. It was still curled in, the arm of it curled around the top of Alec’s head, and the rest of it now working like a feather bed. His other wing was slightly stretched out to the other side, and Magnus winced a little at the twitching he could see in it. Lying like that couldn’t be comfortable.

Even like this, twitching and with the feathers not quite sitting right, the wings were enough to steal your breath away. But they weren’t what held Magnus’ attention. What caught his focus, what had him shutting the door and moving further into the room, was the tight, pained expression on Alec’s face as he tried to curl himself into a tiny little ball. It was a sight that Magnus knew well, wings or no. It was what Alec looked like when he had nightmares. He’d always try and curl into a tiny ball as far away from Magnus as humanly possible without ending up on the floor. As if he didn’t feel free to show weakness or accept comfort even in sleep.

Magnus wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with him, but he wasn’t sure about the wings, about whether he should touch them or if it would hurt Alec for Magnus to lay on them.

He made a mental note to look into wing anatomy as soon as possible.

In the end, he settled for crouching down beside the bed. Magnus reached out a hand and curled it over Alec’s cheek. Touches almost always worked well for Alec. They often jerked him awake – being a Shadowhunter meant that he knew how to sleep light – but there were a few times that they’d help calm him down enough to go back to sleep. Either way, a touch was more effective than anything else; words were never enough to sink through. Alec _needed_ the touch.

Today was no different. Magnus stroked at Alec’s cheek and watched as his lover’s eyes shot open. For one brief moment there was a fire burning behind those hazel eyes, hints of dark red flames burning within. Then Alec blinked and it was gone, leaving something sad and exhausted behind. That, too, faded as Alec focused on Magnus.

It never failed to warm Magnus’ heart to watch the way that Alec lit up at the sight of him. How everything about him went soft. “Magnus.”

“Right here, darling,” Magnus murmured. He continued to pet at Alec’s cheek, the touch soothing the both of them. “You were having a bad dream.”

Exhaustion was still clinging to every inch of Alec. His eyes were barely managing to stay open. Yet Alec drew one hand away from where they’d been pressed to his chest, and he caught the edge of Magnus’ sleeve, giving a terrifyingly weak tug. What else could Magnus do but go with it? There was no way he could resist that silent plea.

It took a bit of work – and quite a bit of magic to help them – to get Alec lifted up enough to draw both his wings out so that they were behind him, and then to summon a second mattress to sit between this one and the wall, creating space for Alec to lay his wings without making them dangle off the end of the bed. Once all that was done, Magnus was free to lie down on his back with Alec cuddled up against the side of him. Alec passed out practically the instant his head dropped onto Magnus’ chest.

Some of the tension in Magnus eased at having Alec in his arms. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and relaxing his muscles.

They could handle whatever came their way. This, Alec’s change, his magic, the return of Magnus’ magic, and whatever else came from meeting with Asmodeus. They would handle it. Just so long as Magnus could have this right here at the end of the day, he’d be able to face any of it.


	3. Chapter 3

The feel of sunlight on his face was what drew Alec slowly up from the depths of sleep. Though being a Shadowhunter meant having the ability to go from asleep to awake at the drop of a hat, Alec had learned the joy of slow, lazy mornings with Magnus. Of cuddling together and refusing to acknowledge the world outside their bedroom. He’d learned to relax and just enjoy the softness of their bed and the warmth of Magnus’ body up against his as they spooned together.

Sometimes he was the big spoon, sometimes the little one. Or sometimes, like this morning, Alec was less a _spoon_ and more a _blanket_.

It didn’t seem to matter that Alec was bigger, or heavier, than Magnus. There were quite a few times that they’d woken up just like this – with Alec sprawled out overtop of Magnus like some heavy quilt. The first time he’d woken up this way, Alec had been full of apologies, and he’d instantly tried to move. Magnus had laughed at him and then knocked his arms out from under him so that Alec had toppled right back down.

Now, Alec didn’t even bother trying to move. He knew how much Magnus enjoyed being like this. Alec laid where he was and turned his face in a little so that he could nuzzle his nose in against the soft skin of Magnus’ neck. The soft chuckle he got told him that Magnus was awake. Smiling, Alec nuzzled in again. “Mornin’.”

“Good morning,” Magnus murmured back. One of his hands, which was on Alec’s arm, stroked lightly up and down his bicep. His other hand was lightly curled into Alec’s hip.

There was a nice, hazy layer of something over them this morning, like another blanket. The most comfortable blanket he’d ever felt. It made Alec more than content to just lie there and enjoy Magnus’ closeness. He felt too lazy to even try to turn their touches into something a bit more fun. Just laying here wrapped up in Magnus felt like the perfect way to start the morning.

Regrettably, Alec’s mind had never been one to be idle, and there were a few things that not even the laziness of the morning could keep him from focusing on. The feeling of Magnus’ magic sunk straight down into his very bones was one of them. He had no idea why Magnus would be pumping so much magic into him, but it couldn’t be for anything good.

The heavy weight on his back and in his chest being another. The more Alec woke, the more he felt them, an ache like that of muscles pushed just a bit too far in training. Only, it was more than that, and it was also in places that no training should touch… and places that Alec hadn’t even been aware existed.

It was that last thought that really woke him. With waking up came the memories of yesterday, and the knowledge of what that ache in his back and chest was from. _My wings. Those are my wings_!

Alec sucked in a sharp breath, his heart pounding as remembrance kicked in. But the instant he drew that breath in, it felt like his lungs grew to twice their size, and he began to choke.

Air burst from Alec in a low, hoarse cough that made his whole upper body ache. He tried to instinctively curl in, pulling away from Magnus as he went. The more air he tried to draw in, the more he choked and coughed, creating a burning cycle that he couldn’t break free from. The world was spinning, and, _by the Angel_ , his chest felt like he was be stabbed and crushed all at the same time. Unknown to him, his wings were trying to flap behind him, hitting the dresser and the vanity along the side of the room. Nearby, something else exploded, the tinkling sound of glass landing all around him.

Hands were suddenly on Alec’s face, drawing it up, forcing him to look up from the ball he’d shoved himself into.

Magnus knelt right there in front of him, hands on Alec’s cheeks, eyes glamour-free. They knelt facing one another in the center of a whirlwind of chaos. None of it seemed to phase Magnus. He held on to Alec and stared at him like he was the center of his world.

“Alexander, I need you to listen to me. Can you do that? Can you listen to me?” Magnus waited just a second for Alec to let out another wheeze and nod, and then he nodded back, smiling as if Alec had promised him something amazing and not just to listen. “Good. That’s so good, darling. Now, your wings, I’m assuming they happened during the deal you made?” Again, Alec nodded, trying not to choke as his lungs pushed harder, feeling so full and yet somehow so empty. Magnus stroked at his cheeks and smiled softly, gently. “Shh, shh, you’re all right. I believe that, with the gain of your wings and your magic, your body had its own changes to undergo that took the night to finally finish. Muscles and bones that changed to accommodate your new needs. One of those must’ve affected your respiratory system.”

Hearing Magnus speak in that calm, steady voice might not have been what others needed in the middle of a panic, but it was exactly what Alec needed. It was hard not to be calm when Magnus was right there in front of him practically radiating steadiness. Hearing him speak, his voice never wavering, his words strong and sure, gave Alec a foundation to stand on. They way he spoke, like this was all just fact, something that was just _known_ , took the fear and pushed it down even more.

“I was reading last night while you were sleeping,” Magnus continued to speak, never letting go of Alec’s face as he did. Slowly, little by little, Alec was focusing more on Magnus’ words and less on trying to control his own breathing, allowing his body to slip into motions that would become instinctive. “I wasn’t sure how much avian physiology would bleed over into your body, though I knew it would require some. The average human body isn’t made to hold wings like yours. Magic can help with quite a bit, but it can’t help everything – such as the amount of air your body now needs.”

Alec curled his hands into the blankets and then forced them loose. His chest shuddered with his breath, and almost caught again, only Magnus was speaking once more, and Alec grabbed onto those words like a lifeline.

“Because of their high metabolic rate, birds have a high oxygen demand, and their respiratory system helps them meet that. Their lungs don’t expand the way that humans’ do. Instead, they’ve got air sacs, a few sets of them. Those pump air into and out of the lungs. Apparently, it also means that, when you’re at rest, you don’t require as much air.” Magnus stroked his thumbs over the apple of Alec’s cheeks, and he smiled softly at him. “I read up on it after a few scares last night when I was quite sure you weren’t breathing at all. Your chest doesn’t expand in the way I’m used to feeling, and your breathing slows almost to the point of stopping while you’re asleep.”

Just imagining what that must’ve been like for Magnus was enough to have Alec wincing. “Sorry,” he croaked out.

Magnus smiled before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss against Alec’s lips. “You have no need to apologize for your body or your needs.”

“No…but I’ve got a few…other things to…apologize for,” Alec managed to get out. His breathing had finally settled down, enough that – if he didn’t focus on it – he was fine. But, having that under control meant that Alec couldn’t escape the conversation they both knew they had to have.

Though Magnus’ eyes went tight for a moment, just a hint of a flinch around the edges, his voice didn’t waver when he said “Yes, and we will be having a discussion about that.” Magnus gave one last stroke over Alec’s cheeks, and then he slowly drew his hands back, smiling at him once more. “But I think that can wait until after we put some breakfast in you. You expended quite a bit of energy. Not to mention, if we wait much longer, I feel your siblings may disregard my orders and break down the door to come and check on you.”

Alec grimaced at the thought, making Magnus laugh lightly. Yeah, no, the last thing Alec wanted was his brother or sister bursting in here and accosting him in his bed while he was half dressed. Still, he wasn’t all that fond of the idea of leaving their bedroom. Nor going out there and having the talk he knew they needed to have with an audience. He wanted, more than anything, to talk to Magnus first. To clear the air between them.

As if Magnus sensed that, which wouldn’t surprise Alec since Magnus always seemed able to read him even when Alec couldn’t find words, he found his partner leaning in to press a gentle kiss against his lips. “I love you, Alexander Lightwood. Nothing in our conversation is going to change that. I am angry, and a bit hurt, but it’s nothing we won’t work past. Together.”

Alec hadn’t realized just how badly he needed to hear those words until Magnus said them. Turning his head just a little, he let his forehead rest against Magnus’ cheek, and drew what felt like his first real breath.

After a second, Magnus twisted enough to kiss his temple. “Come on now. Up, up. Your family awaits.”

Those words proved easier said than done. Moving to stand up from the bed was a process. Alec’s body didn’t really want to cooperate. First, Alec had to attempt to draw his wings in enough to actually be able to move around the room without knocking over everything in sight. It wasn’t easy.

Magnus didn’t get upset when Alec lifted his left arm, and his left wing hit the curtain over the window and almost ripped it down. “You have entirely new muscles to learn,” he said, reaching out and gently laying his hand on top of Alec’s wing. “I think they’re close enough to your arms, and similar enough in some ways, that your body is translating your wants into moves that are familiar to you. It’s going to take time and practice to get used to them.”

As he spoke, Magnus moved his hand over the ‘arm’ of Alec’s wing. It was a strange sensation to feel. In some ways it was just like if Magnus had stroked his hand down Alec’s arm. In other ways, it felt so _strange_ , sensations coming from places that hadn’t existed before.

With the help of Magnus’ gentle, stroking hands, they got Alec’s wings drawn in against his back, but a shower was currently out of the question, and a shirt… Magnus tapped his finger against his lips and furrowed his brow as he thought about it. Then he used both hands to shoo Alec toward the bathroom. “Go in, go take care of things, and I’ll see what I can do before you get back out here.”

If Alec avoided looking anywhere near the mirror while he was in there, well, there was no one in the room with him to judge.

When he came back out to the bedroom, he found Magnus standing at the foot of the bed, a black shirt held in his hands. The way that he beamed at Alec would’ve been worrying if it’d been anyone else. Even Jace. If it were Jace, Alec would’ve been eyeing the shirt, the room around him, and every inch of his brother he could see, looking for the trap. But Magnus… Magnus just generally looked that happy to see Alec, like the sight of him alone was enough to make the warlock’s day. Alec still didn’t quite know what to do with that. But he did know that it made him feel loved in ways no one else had ever managed.

“I fixed up your shirt for you,” Magnus said. He strolled forward, shirt in hand, and held it up for Alec to look at. “See? A few cuts in the back, some laces to tie it together. It’s not the _best_ of styles, I’ll admit, but I believe it’s enough to get the job done until I can find something better.”

It really did look like it’d work. Best as Alec could tell, the shirt had been cut straight up from the bottom to just above where his wings sat. That would allow the loose strip in the middle to easily fall between his wings. Then there were the laces, just like Magnus had said, to tie it together at the bottom so that the shirt wouldn’t just flap around.

“Thank you,” Alec said fervently. While being shirtless wasn’t normally a big deal for him, Alec really didn’t want to have to look down at himself and risk seeing the difference in his runes.

Magnus beamed, the same way he did anytime someone thanked him for something, like it was a new and precious thing. Which was why Alec did it as often as he could.

The muscles in Alec’s back protested when he tried to take the shirt and lift it up over his head. His cheeks turned red with embarrassment when Magnus caught the shirt and tugged it back with a soft “Here, allow me.” The shirt was bunched up until Magnus could stretch up and carefully pull it over Alec’s head. A smile sat on his lips when Alec’s head broke through. “You know, generally this is going the other way around. But any excuse to have my hands on you is never time wasted.” As if to back that up, he made a point of smoothing his hands over Alec’s biceps when he helped him draw his arms into the long sleeves.

Alec lifted an eyebrow and tried to ignore his own blush to give Magnus a dry: “Really, Magnus?”

“What?” Magnus went for an innocent tone, but his eyes were sparkling with good humor, and the slight dimples in his cheeks were flashing. It was a look Alec had missed seeing so much lately. Looking at Magnus now, seeing that spark back in him, that _life_ , only reaffirmed for Alec that he’d done the right thing.

With a cheeky wink, Magnus suddenly ducked down, popping up on the other side of Alec’s wing. It let him have the space to quickly do up the laces to hold the shirt together. “Hmm. We’ll have to come up with something more efficient than this. It isn’t practical for you to have these things in places you can’t reach, though I must say, I have _no_ complaints about having to help you dress each day.”

The relaxed, easy way that Magnus spoke about it, like it was just no big deal, as if it was just _normal_ and _okay_ that this might become an everyday thing… it was astounding and _amazing_. How on earth did Magnus always known the tone to take to set him at ease? Alec wanted to lean into the touch of Magnus’ hands on his back. The soft press of a kiss to his neck. He wanted to wrap himself up in the two of them and not leave this bedroom. Just stay in here and hide away from the world, away from all the questions and fights that were about to happen. More than anything, Alec just wanted to hold on to Magnus and celebrate what he’d gotten back.

Alec had known this decision was going to make people angry with him. Just like he knew that, no matter the love and teasing that Magnus was giving out now, his partner was very much angry with him over it. Going out of the bedroom meant that Alec had to face all that. Face the consequences of his actions.

Unbidden, his own voice from years and years ago rose up in the back of his mind. _We’re Lightwoods. We break noses and accept the consequences._ It was something he’d said more than once. Casual words that had become a bit of a motto, not just for him, but for his siblings, too. One that he’d often wished they’d taken a little less to heart.

But here, now, it was something that Alec clung to. The time for hiding out was done. They’d given Alec the night. That was more than he’d expected. Now, it was time to go out there and face the consequences.

Alec made as if to start leaving, only to be stopped when Magnus was once more in front of him, hands cupping Alec’s cheeks yet again. He held Alec there and gave him the softest, sweetest kiss. “Remember, whatever happens out there, I’m not going anywhere.” The words were whisper soft against Alec’s lips. Yet, they were strong and firm. A promise.

It was with that humming through him, and Magnus’ hand in the small of his back and on his wings to help him get through the door, that Alec found the strength to make his way out of the bedroom and towards the living room.

He didn’t get much of a chance to do more than take one look at the trio – Isabelle, Jace, and, surprisingly, Catarina – sitting on the couch. Jace turned the instant Alec stepped out of the hall, relief and love written all over his face, and him turning was enough to get the two women to turn as well. Isabelle saw him, and she was nowhere near as restrained as Jace was. With a cry of “Alec!” she was launching over the back of the couch and racing towards him. With her feet bare, hair flowing free, and just a long shirt as a nightdress, she reminded Alec so much of the younger version of her who had used to leap at him like this all the time, fully confident in her brother’s ability to catch her.

Alec had never dropped her, and he didn’t now, even though catching her made his arms and wings _throb_.

The warm, solid feel of a hand pressed against the muscles of Alec’s back, soothing the ache down, and Alec made a mental note to thank Magnus for that later. For now, he held Isabelle close and let her cling to him, let her hide the tears she wouldn’t want anyone to see against his neck.

Jace had moved slower, their bond wide open between them and far more intimate than any hug, but he did come over to join them. With Isabelle still clinging, Alec opened up one arm, letting Jace come in close and join them. Once he had them both in his arms, his wings curled around them as well, creating a shield of feathers between them and the rest of the world.

The three of them stood connected together at the edge of Magnus’ living room and clung tightly to one another. They’d been through so much lately, _lost_ so much, they needed that moment to reconnect and reassure one another that they were all okay.

The moment only lasted so long.

Isabelle was the first to draw back. She didn’t go far, just making enough room that she could glare up at Alec, one hand pressed against his chest. “I am _so mad_ at you!”

“I’m sorry,” Alec said. It was just the first of many apologies he knew he was going to have to make.

“What were you thinking?” Isabelle demanded. “I thought you were better than this whole _lone wolf_ business anymore! Instead, you went behind our backs, and you decided to go making deals with _demons_?”

There was no chance for Alec to say anything. Jace cut him off, curling his hand over Alec’s shoulder and reaching out to brush his other hand against Isabelle’s arm. “Why don’t we let him sit down before we start quizzing him, Izzy? Give him a chance to explain.”

Alec shot him a look of gratitude. Not just for stopping her furious rant, but for the suggestion of sitting. Being upright was taking a whole lot more out of him than he’d expected it would.

Some of that must’ve shown on his face or in his body. Isabelle looked him over, and her glare melted into a frown, one that was tinged with more worry than anger. She pressed herself up against Alec’s side and started to steer him towards the couch. It wasn’t until they reached it that they realized things might not be that easy.

Luckily for them, Magnus had already thought about it, and he was still there at Alec’s back, pressing in close for a moment to kiss the back of his neck again. “Take the corner seat, back to the armrest,” he murmured against Alec’s skin. “I’ll make sure your wings are out of the way, darling.”

It took Alec, Magnus, and Jace to actually get Alec down into the corner seat of the couch and make sure that his wings were lifted up over the armrest and out of the way. Magnus even conjured up a pillow to set on the armrest and underneath the wing joints so that it eased some of the strain of holding them up. Alec rubbed absently at his chest where muscles he hadn’t been aware of were protesting their new use.

Finding seats for everyone else took a minute. No one wanted to leave Alec’s side. In the end, it took a snort from Catarina to break the standstill. Jace rolled his eyes and settled for taking the end of the couch opposite Alec, able to reach out and touch his feet easily enough. Isabelle probably would’ve tried to take the next cushion if it weren’t for Magnus slipping in there quickly and claiming the middle seat as his. He even went so far as to draw Alec’s legs over him like some sort of seatbelt. That left Isabelle to take the loveseat with Catarina.

Everyone finally finding their seat meant that they were all free to turn their attention to Alec. He had to fight not to squirm under their looks. This wasn’t going to be easy. But, it had to be done. _No more wasting time. Just get it over with_.

“I’m sorry I worried you guys,” Alec started with. That seemed the best way to go. Apologies were almost second nature to him. “I just, I hope you guys can understand why I did this. Why I _had_ to do this.”

“Why don’t you tell us what exactly it is you did?” Catarina suggested.

And so, with a deep breath, Alec did. He told them about all the different ways he’d tried to find to get Magnus’ magic back, how he’d looked everywhere to try and fix it. Without once looking up from his lap, Alec told them how he’d found a warlock willing to help him do what he wanted, for the right price. And then he told them about the spell that they’d actually done.

That was where someone stopped him for the first time. “He _astral projected_ you into a neutral space with a Greater Demon?” Catarina blurted out, looking somewhere between impressed and aghast.

Alec tried to ignore the tight grip Magnus had on his leg at that moment. He chose to look up towards Catarina instead. The shocked horror in her eyes wasn’t much better to see. “Um, yeah. It was either that, or one of us had to go to the other. I wasn’t going to risk that.”

“Well at least you were that smart about things,” Jace quipped, voice dry.

Alec chose to ignore that, too.

“It was reckless, and dangerous, and Tiberius should’ve known that,” Catarina snapped. She looked like she had a whole lot more she wanted to say, only she was holding it back. Though she did sigh heavily before gesturing at him with a lazy wave of your hand. “Finish. I get the feeling there’s going to be more about this that we’ll want to yell about.”

She had no idea just how right she was. Though, it was awkward to have her directing him. Alec knew she was mostly here for Magnus, to make sure that he was going to be okay, and because undoubtedly Magnus wanted her to help with Alec and make sure _he_ was okay. Catarina and Alec were only beginning to become friends. She was cautious; protective of her best friend. But she’d been warming to Alec little by little. Even still, it felt weird to have her sharp eyes watching him, and Alec ended up ducking his head back down again just to avoid her gaze.

Behind him, he felt his wings give an agitated twitch, and then, to his absolute mortification, they began to try and curl in around him as if to hide him. Only, the back of the couch was in the way of one, meaning that he was only able to draw his other one around, smacking it into the coffee table as he did.

Isabelle made a sound that was somewhere between a gasp and an _aww_ , like she wasn’t quite sure if she found the movement cute or worrisome. But Jace… Jace was an asshole, and he grinned quite openly at Alec as he said “Dude, you’ve got _mood wings_.” His grin grew. “Get it? They’re like those mundane _mood rings_ , only better.”

“Oh my God, Jace,” Alec groaned.

Beside him, Magnus let out a delighted laugh.

Alec was surrounded by assholes. Isabelle was grinning, and Catarina smothered her smile in her glass as she pretended to take a drink. _Assholes, all of them._ Alec glared at his parabatai one last time before turning his focus to trying to move his wings again.

Rolling his shoulders helped to ease a bit of the tension there, and as he relaxed, his wings drew back and relaxed as well.

When it was clear he had them mostly under control again, he wasn’t surprised to have them all drawn back into the conversation. “Can we leave the teasing for later?” Isabelle asked dryly, though she still sounded amused. “I’d like to know what happened next. Once you stupidly put yourself alone with alone with a Greater Demon and _no real backup_.”

Alec couldn’t help how he drew himself up a little at her sharp tone. It was almost instinct to meet her tone for tone. “What do you think happened? I made a deal and got Magnus’ magic back from him.”

“A deal to… what? Give up your angel blood?”

“Not exactly.” This was going to be the hardest part. This was what Alec really didn’t want to have to say. Yet, there was no way around it. They weren’t going to let him go without him telling them what he did. So, Alec curled his hands into his lap, drew in a deep breath, and made himself say the words he knew would hurt them to hear. “He agreed to give Magnus his magic back if I… Fell.”

The sharp sound of Magnus’ breath and the low gasp from Catarina told him that those two, at least, understood. The hand on Alec’s leg twitched – hard. “Alexander.” So much pain, so much grief, all packed into just the sound of his name.

It was enough to have Alec’s eyes darting up. When he saw Magnus’ face, it was hard not to flinch back again. Magnus was looking at him like Alec had just told him that he had hours to live.

“I don’t regret it,” Alec told him. He needed Magnus to know that. “I know what it means, and I don’t regret it. It was worth it.”

“What do you mean, you fell?” Isabelle asked.

Magnus didn’t look away from Alec as he answered her. “There are demons in hell, Princes, who were once angels. To get to what they are, they had to Fall from Heaven. Alexander, as a Nephilim, carried angel blood in his veins. That makes him just as capable of Falling as any other angel. Only, since he still retained his human half, he didn’t become another Prince of Hell. He became a warlock. Half human, half demon.” His hand curled in and little red sparks leapt to life around his fingers. Alec caught a glimpse of his true eyes blinking through the glamour, too, a testament to how shaky his control had just become. “Alexander…what were you thinking?”

“I was thinking I couldn’t stand seeing you cry,” Alec said softly. The honesty in his tone and his gentle words were enough to silence the room. Alec shrugged when he saw the stunned look on Magnus’ face. “I couldn’t. Especially not when it was my fault. I never wanted to be the person to make you cry.” He saw Magnus open his mouth, ready to argue, and he quickly held up a hand to silence him. “You can say it wasn’t a million times over, but you and I both know you never would’ve been in that position if it wasn’t for me. You made the decision to go, yes, but you wouldn’t have ever had to make that choice if I hadn’t so selfishly put you there.”

“I knew the risks,” Magnus insisted.

Alec nodded his head. “Yeah, you did, and I was too blinded by my own grief and fear to clearly think of what those risks were. But I should have. I should’ve known just how stupid it was for you to go down there and make a deal with him.”

“Yet you still summoned him to make a deal of your own.”

“Of course I did. If you really don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t do for you then I’ve messed up worse than I thought.”

That silenced the room once more. Magnus stared at him, mouth agape, unable to come up with anything in the face of that.

While Magnus tried to recover from that, Alec looked beyond him to where Jace had sat so uncharacteristically quiet most of this time. “I owe you an apology, Jace. I got too caught up in the moment, and I didn’t think what it would mean for us until it was too late. I’m sorry.”

“You’re alive,” Jace said, shrugging one shoulder. “You’re alive, and you’re here, and our bond is still there. It’s a bit different, a bit stronger, but it’s there. That’s all that matters to me.”

The emotions in their bond made it clear that he wasn’t lying. To Jace, the only thing that mattered right now was that Alec was still there. Maybe later he’d get a bit more upset about things. Once it really sank in just how many things were going to change for them. But then again, maybe not. After everything that had happened, and all they’d lost, would it be any real surprise that all Jace needed was the reassurance that he hadn’t lost anyone else? The recent wars had changed them all. What Jace had been through had changed him. He was quieter now; more withdrawn, his emotions not as blunt and in-your-face.

If Alec had been able to reach, he would’ve clapped a hand on Jace’s shoulder, or hugged him. As it was, he had to settle for trying to send love and warmth through the bond to him. The surprise he saw in response, followed by an immense wave of love, told him that his brother got the message.

Alec hadn’t been sure how his family was going to react to all of this. From the moment he’d started making plans, he’d known that something was going to have to give. That there’d be some price to pay. Maybe that was why he wasn’t panicking yet. Sure, he could feel it sitting down low in his stomach, a hint of the panic that he might normally otherwise feel, and Alec was sure it was going to hit him sooner or later. But here, now, he had his siblings with him, and Magnus, and Magnus had his magic back. Alec was going to enjoy this moment. The rest, they could deal with later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I know there's so much left unanwered, and not dealt with. Alec and Magnus still need to talk, alone, and have the privacy to react to this without everyone watching. What's going to happen to Alec now? Does he know about his magic? How will he react to that? What will the Clave say? What will Maryse say? Why did Asmodeus agree to do this?
> 
> Speaking of Asmodeus: I’ve had a comment or two talking about Asmodeus’ role in this and how *easy* it was to get Magnus’ magic back. Now, this can go two ways. If I continue this (ngl, we all know I will) it can go two ways. Either we have a nice!Asmodeus who wants what’s best for his son in his own twisted sort of fucked up way. OR, there’s a whole darker plot and some psychological drama later on with an asshole!Asmodeus who might occasionally have some redeeming qualities but is otherwise mostly a dick. Let me know what you’d prefer!
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think, if you'd like to see more, even what you'd like to see. I'm going to move this to unfinished most likely because I just can't see letting go of it. But, this is all I have written right now, so I have no idea how fast/slow updates will be. Though I can try for once every week or two. :) Thanks for your kudos/reviews folks!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen, after last night's episode I needed some fluff, so here have this. I'll probably keep adding more in the future. But for now, here's a chapter

Alec was surprised when his siblings cleared out not long after that. Isabelle was the one to draw them up and begin steering them towards the door, declaring: “We should probably get back and make sure things are running smoothly. Once we’re sure things are settled down, we’ll come back an talk about what we need to do next.”

Just thinking of what might happen next had Alec wincing. His wings drew in close to his back, and he fought not to shuffle where he stood.

Isabelle smiled sadly at him. Likely she could read his thoughts on his face. There were no easy words she’d be able to offer him. Not for this. They both knew that. With Alec the way he was now, things were about to get really messy, really fast. Taking a step toward her, Alec reached out and awkwardly tucked a bit of her hair behind her ear, a gesture he’d done plenty of times in the past. “There’s no one I’d trust better to take over and keep us all safe.”

A soft smile ghosted over Isabelle’s lips. “We’ll do our best.”

After Jace had been made Institute Head, and then subsequently given it to Alec, one of the things that Alec had done was look into the rules about how promotions worked, naming a successor, and passing titles. He’d wanted to guarantee that there was no way the appointment would be able to be questioned. And that, if the Clave tried to come after him for who he was and what he was doing, he’d able to choose someone to step up in his place.

Most people might think that he would pick Jace, but Jace hadn’t lied when he’d told Alec that he was a soldier. It was what Jace was – what he _wanted_ to be. But Isabelle? Isabelle had always had the potential to be so much more.

Alec drew himself up as straight as he could. In a familiar, almost unconscious move, he drew his hands behind his back and clasped hold of one wrist with the other hand. Just the act of standing at attention was enough to have Isabelle straightening up in response. Her eyes were curious, eyebrows drawn down, and her lips were pursed like she was going to speak, only Alec beat her to it. He spoke the words he’d memorized, every word full of strength and authority. “I, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, hereby appoint you, Isabelle Sophia Lightwood, as my successor. By the Grace of the Angel, I pass the Institute to your control. Do you accept?”

With each word that passed his lips, he watched his little sister stand straighter, taller. Her lips had parted just the slightest bit, and her eyebrows shot up, only for her to school her expression into a calm mask just seconds later. She matched him pose for pose, and when she spoke, it was with the steadiness that she’d always carried inside her, brought to the forefront by these past hellacious months. “I accept.”

One side of Alec’s mouth curved up. “Are there any here who bear witness?”

He wasn’t the least bit surprised when Jace spoke up, loud and clear. “I bear witness.” However, it _was_ surprising when first Magnus, and then Catarina, said: “I bear witness.”

“So be it,” Alec said. “The Watch is yours. May the Angel guide you.”

“May the Angel guide you,” Isabelle repeated.

The ceremonial words completed, the two broke pose at the same time, and the shock was back on Isabelle’s face. “By the Angel, Alec, I… are you sure?”

“I want someone I can respect and trust to take over for me,” Alec said. It was the truth, too. That was what he wanted. It was the best – only – choice in a shitty situation. Alec didn’t _want_ to step down, but he didn’t have a choice, and the window for him to appoint a successor was going to be very small. As soon as word reached the Clave about what had happened, there was no way he’d be able to do anything. To them, he would’ve lost any right to the Institute or anything angelic the instant he Fell. “We both know I can’t come back. Not… not like this. I needed to make sure there was someone in my place who would keep everything running. Someone who would see what I’ve been doing and continue it. Not someone who doesn’t care about the Downworld or us.”

The hug Isabelle attacked him with wasn’t all that surprising. Alec held her against him for one long moment, and then he let her go, let Jace walk her out the door with one last look back to Alec.

Once the door was shut, Alec found himself still standing there, just staring. He could hear movement behind him that he knew had to come from Catarina and Magnus. The buzz of a portal felt extra loud against his skin today in ways that made him want to shiver. Yet, Alec kept standing there, just staring. Logically, he knew Isabelle and Jace leaving was what they had to do, and that they would come back. Nothing would be able to keep them away from him. No matter what the Clave had to say.

Somehow that didn’t make it any easier.

The soft touch of a warm hand against his shoulder warned Alec just seconds before Magnus slid up against him. He didn’t say anything at first. He just pressed himself in along Alec’s side and stood there with him, a solid and steady support that Alec could grab on to with both hands. It was such a reversal from just a few days ago. Just _a_ day ago, even. Then, Alec had been the one standing strong, trying to be the rock that Magnus could cling to while the rest of the world seemed to be eroding away around him.

Now Alec was the one who was lost. He found his hands curling over Magnus’ hips in a grip he knew was probably on the edge of too tight.

He felt Magnus shift, slipping to stand more in front of him than beside of him, and Alec could see that his partner was going to speak. Judging from the gentle look he wore, it was going to be something soft. Before Magnus could say whatever it was, Alec found himself blurting out “I don’t regret it.”

Magnus gave him a soft, sad smile. “That doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to grieve over it. You taught me that.”

Those words hit Alec hard. The temptation to listen to them, it was strong. Alec wanted more than anything to do as Magnus said. He wanted to grieve. But, despite how far he’d come with Magnus, it wasn’t easy for Alec to let go. Magnus had seen him at so many low points lately. He’d helped to hold Alec up countless times. Here, now, when they should be celebrating Magnus being whole once more, he was instead forced to yet again carry the burden of Alec’s choices. Not to mention, there was still too much that sat between them. Too many things that needed said. “I’m sorry I kept this from you. I wouldn’t change my decision, but I’m sorry that it hurt you.”

The hand on Alec’s shoulder shifted, coming up to cup his cheek. With just a blink, the glamour was gone from Magnus’ eyes, showing the true ones underneath that Alec so loved to see. “Alexander.”

“No,” Alec shook his head, trying not to dislodge Magnus’ hand as he did. “I need to say this. I need you to know that I’m sorry, but that I… I’d make the same choice all over again. I know you probably see it as some huge sacrifice, and I won’t lie, in some ways it is. This is going to be hard for the both of us to adjust to. I can’t promise I won’t get angry, or hurt, or sad, or any of those things. But I can promise you that there is nothing out there that will make me regret this choice.”

This time it was Alec bringing his hands up. He cupped Magnus’ face between his palms and held him there so that neither of them could look away. The light sheen of tears there was almost Alec’s undoing. He used his thumb to wipe away the couple of tears that fell free. “I love you, Magnus,” he said softly. “More than the Clave, more than being a Shadowhunter, more than my mortality – more than everything. You’re it for me. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. Whatever it takes.”

The hand on Alec’s cheek pushed back to grasp at the back of his neck. Alec found himself yanked down into a kiss that was full of all the things that neither one of them could say.

Just like always, Alec melted down into it. He felt Magnus curl his free hand over his hip, sliding back to press in the small of Alec’s back and yank him in closer. Every one of Alec’s senses were caught up by the man in his arms. His hands dropped from Magnus’ face down to his shoulders, clutching there the same way he always seemed to whenever they kissed. It was like his body needed that anchor. Needed something solid to hold on to each and every time Magnus took him apart this way with an ease that was sometimes embarrassing.

When they broke apart, they were both a little out of breath but smiling. Alec let his eyes drift to half-mast as they pressed their foreheads together. Magnus tipped his head just enough to brush their noses together. _Eskimo kisses_ , he’d called them once, laughing when Alec had looked so confused.

A warm, lazy smile was curving Magnus’ lips. “Time and time again, you continue to surprise me, Alexander.”

“It keeps you on your toes,” Alec murmured back teasingly.

He was rewarded with a low chuckle. With one last _Eskimo kiss_ , Magnus drew back, stroking his fingers over Alec’s cheek as he did. “That it does. But for the moment, let’s try and avoid further surprises, hm? At least until after we’ve dealt with our current ones.”

Alec smiled at him. “I’ll do my best.”

* * *

Dealing with their current surprise wasn’t something that was going to be easy. Both of them knew that. But Alec hadn’t realized just how much _not easy_ was an understatement. Mostly because he hadn’t realized one very important thing – and it was a little embarrassing to realize that he _hadn’t_ thought of it.

“I have _magic_?” Alec repeated. The words didn’t seem to make any sense; not in correlation to _him_ at least.

But Magnus looked at him from the head of the bed – the two of them had come in here, their place of comfort, and sat cross-legged and face to face – and he nodded even as he chuckled. “I imagine the idea was somewhat easy to overlook in the face of everything else. Plus, I’ve got a ward or two over you to keep it all controlled for now so you don’t lash out like you were earlier.”

“Lash out?”

“When you were panicking. Your magic responded to your emotions.” The look on Magnus’ face softened a little. He reached out, catching one of Alec’s hands in the space between them. The feeling of Magnus’ thumb stroking over his knuckles was oddly soothing. “Magic is a part of any warlock. It’s more than just having the ability to access it through ley lines or whatever ambient magic is in the air. Little though we may all like it, we’re part demon, and that means we come with some spark of power that we carry inside of us. There’s a core of it, deep down inside.” Lifting his free hand, Magnus tapped at his own chest, just below his heart. “It’s always a part of you, just as much as your body, or your soul. It connects you to the world in ways that are hard to explain.”

It was hard for Alec not to cringe as he listened. Not at the words, but at the ache under them. Listening to Magnus talk about how much a part of him that magic was only made the grief he’d gone through recently even worse, and further cemented Alec’s belief that he’d done the right thing here.

Magnus continued on, not realizing the direction Alec’s thoughts had gone.

“Being a part of you, it reacts to what you feel. Lashing out when you’re angry…” There was a brief pause there, in which Alec squeezed the hand holding his, knowing what Magnus was thinking of. What he was remembering. Magnus flashed him a small smile, and then pushed onward. “…or acting defensively when you’re scared. One thing to remember is that, while your magic has the potential to hurt other people, it won’t directly hurt _you_. Not without you choosing to do so. The same as your hand not making its own decision to stab you. _You_ have to make that choice for your hand to do it. The same goes for your magic.”

That made sense. But it wasn’t the idea of hurting _himself_ that bothered Alec. He’d much rather that over hurting those he cared about.

As if he could read what Alec was thinking, Magnus rolled his eyes. “Of course you’re not concerned about that. If your self-sacrificing tendencies hadn’t been clear before, they definitely are now.”

There was just enough bitterness edging those words to make Alec stifle a wince. Behind him, his wings shuffled awkwardly, almost sheepishly, making his back ache and also giving away the very reaction that Alec had been trying to keep off his face. He blushed when he realized it. These things were definitely going to take some getting used to. He was going to have to work hard to learn how to control them. The last thing Alec needed was _mood wings_ to give away every thought or feeling he had.

Not that Magnus seemed to agree with him. He was lighting up now and giving Alec’s wings a delighted look. “Oh, I like this.”

“I don’t,” Alec grumbled. He shifted around uncomfortably, and _Raziel-dammit_ , he felt his wings try to curl in to hide him.

It only made Magnus laugh happily. “I can imagine. Still, I have to admit I like the idea of being able to see your moods so easily.”

Trying to ignore his own body’s reaction, Alec rolled his eyes and glare, knowing it’d have no effect on Magnus whatsoever. “It’s not like you couldn’t before.” No one had ever been able to read Alec as well or as easily as Magnus did. Not even Jace, sometimes – and Jace had a direct link to Alec.

Love lit Magnus’ eyes and warmed them until they were glowing with that look that Alec had so missed. One that had been reserved solely for _him_. Seeing it now took the harder edge of Alec’s annoyance and smoothed it away. Magnus’ words did the rest. “Only because you allowed me, my love. A gift for which I will _always_ be grateful.” He drew up their joined hands and pressed a kiss against the back of Alec’s. The gesture had Alec blushing, and his wings gave a small flutter behind him, which only deepened his blush. Thankfully, Magnus didn’t comment this time, though he did continue to smile. “We’ll work on control later, once some of your muscles have begun to strengthen. Stretches and exercises to build that strength will be painful, no doubt, but easy enough to do. What we need to focus on more is your magical control. There’s only so long I can shield you.”

“How do we do that?”

“Practice. You’re already a step ahead of most warlocks. We get our powers as terrified children and have to learn control from there. You’re an adult who already knows about control, who knows about things like meditation, and the existence of magic and the Shadow world. So, I was thinking we start with some guided meditation and see if we can help you find your magical center. From there, we’ll work on connecting to it, and then practicing with small, minor things to help teach you how to control it.”

That didn’t sound fun, but it didn’t sound hard, either. Alec had meditated with Magnus plenty of times. He didn’t have any problems settling in to do it with him now.

Following Magnus’ voice down into a meditative trance was so easy for Alec. He thought to himself sometime that he could follow Magnus’ voice just about anywhere. All it took was a warm “Alexander” and Alec would follow after him wherever he went. He did it now, following Magnus’ voice down, letting go of everything around him until the world was nothing but softness and warmth and the sound of his lover wrapping around him like a warm, protective blanket, keeping him safe from the world.

He went down so easily, so deeply, he never saw the way his wings curled up around the two of them, or the love and awe it brought to Magnus’ face. Not just because of the gesture but because of the _trust_.

For Alec, it felt as easy as breathing to let himself sink down with Magnus’ voice all around him. He followed it almost instinctively, with a complete sense of trust, and let Magnus guide him down to that place inside where everything felt so peaceful and calm. It was what Magnus had always called his Center. The very core of himself. There, Alec had found peace in the past from some of the things that felt like they were always plaguing him. He’d found _calm_.

Now, he found something else entirely.

Alec turned his focus to the sensation of warmth that he found inside himself. He didn’t notice as he began to stop paying attention to Magnus. All of his focus went to this new thing inside of him that, until just now, he had barely even registered was there. He’d thought the warmth in him was leftover from the fire that had burned away his angelic half. Now he was realizing that it _wasn’t_ the same. This warmth didn’t _hurt_.

It sat in the very core of him, like a small fire that had been banked. Not out, just smothered down low until he could only feel a hint of its warmth, yet not completely gone. More than that, though, there were hints of it through the rest of him, running through his body. All of it there, ready and waiting for him to call on. Alec leaned into it and felt it push back at him. A flare of heat that was soothing instead of burning.

There was no telling how long he might’ve stayed there if it hadn’t been for the sound of Magnus’ voice. Alec responded to it instinctively, letting it coax him back up towards himself, back out of his mind and into his body.

The return of sensation was slow at first, and then sudden. Alec blinked his eyes open at the same time that pain slammed down into him. Every single muscle in his back felt like they were screaming at him. That told him better than words just how long he’d been sitting there, and how still he’d been. He wasn’t used to his new limbs enough to settle them into a comfortable position for extended periods of time. They were definitely letting him know that now.

Luckily, Magnus’ hands were there to catch him as Alec slumped forward, wings twitching with the slight spasms of new muscles. “Woah there!” Magnus exclaimed. He leaned in so that his shoulder was right there for Alec’s forehead to rest on. “I’ve got you, Alexander. You’re all right.”

Alec let his hands rest on Magnus’ thighs. He didn’t want to try to move them. Not when he was sure that any movement of arms or back would make the pain flare back up. “I don’t think we thought this through very well,” he said to Magnus’ shirt. Like hell if he was going to move to look up at him. “My muscles aren’t used to trying to maintain that kind of stillness.”

“You strained them trying to hold them up and still.” Realization colored Magnus’ voice. Then his hand was smoothing down Alec’s back, healing magic running with it. It took away some of the greater pain, though the ache was still there. Alec had a feeling it’d be there for a while until he got used to this.

Closing his eyes, Alec sighed heavily. He let himself slump down just a little more. Still, despite all that, he felt a soft smile touching his lips.

“I take it the rest of it went well,” Magnus said, smoothing his hand down between Alec’s wings and then back up.

Alec’s smile grew. In his chest, that warm place that he’d found grew just a little bit warmer in response. “I can feel it now. I thought it’d go away once I came back out, but I can feel it.”

He could hear the answering smile in Magnus’ voice when he spoke. “You’ve connected with it. I’d hoped meditation would help you do so. Warlocks are born connected to our magic; to us, it’s always there. I was hoping we’d be able to do the same for you.”

“It feels weird, but… not.” Kind of like his wings. They felt both strange and yet completely normal in ways that Alec didn’t have words for.

Luckily, he didn’t always need words when talking to Magnus. His partner understood him more often than not. In ways that no one else had ever been able to, or ever even tried to do. “These were entirely new things thrust upon you, and yet they’re also quite intimate things. A new sensation inside of yourself, and two new limbs. They’re both very clearly _yours_ , yet I’d be surprised if they weren’t strange for you to deal with at first. Once you’ve had a bit of time to adjust, they’ll become just as natural and normal as any other part of you.”

Even though it felt like most of Alec’s time had been spent sleeping since he’d gotten back, he found his body wanting to slump a little once more.

Magnus huffed out a soft laugh. “Don’t drift on me yet, Alexander. We need to get some food in you to start replenishing what you’ve lost. Your body’s been through quite the ordeal.” With one hand he stroked over Alec’s cheek. The way he smiled at him – no one had ever smiled at Alec quite like that. Like their whole world started and ended right here with him.

What other response could Alec give? He looked that man that made up his world, and he gave a small, soft smile of his own. “I love you.”

“And I, you.” The words were instant and easy, and they brightened up Magnus’ smile even more than it already was.

Alec let himself get drawn up off their bed. It took both of them a little work to get Alec and his wings beyond the bedroom door. Alec moved slowly, cautiously, waiting for the pain to flare back up. Magnus’ magic seemed to have thankfully taken the sharper edge away. All that was there now was an ache that Alec was beginning to think he might have to grow used to for the next little while. At least until his muscles finished adjusting.

Together, they made their way out of the bedroom, and then they were out in the main part of the loft and Magnus was moving, flinging his arms out to either side with a pulse of magic that Alec could feel, moving furniture and things out of the way to make a more open floor design. Alec felt his own magic warm in his chest that the blatant, easy display of acceptance. This little gesture that Magnus did without thinking; one of a million others just like it that he’d done throughout their relationship.

The next few days were going to be hard. So hard. Alec was just beginning to realize how much of his life had actually changed because of all this. He was going to have to learn to use his new wings, how to adjust to them, how to function with them – and he was going to have to learn magic. _Magic_.

But, as he watched Magnus move in front of him, as he listened to Magnus talk about all the things he was going to show him over the next few days, Alec found that he was getting less and less worried about it. It wasn’t going to be easy, he knew. And like he told Magnus, he also knew there’d be times that he’d be scared, or angry, or sad. But so long as he had this amazing man in front of him, Alec had a feeling he’d be able to handle it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Breakfast, baths, wing work, and the Clave

**Author's Note:**

> I may add more to this I'm not sure yet. If I do, it'll probably just be new chapters on here, not another series, cause Angel knows I already have 8,000 of those :P But if I do, I don't know how fast or slow any updates will be!
> 
> Again, let me know what you think :) Reviews are golden!


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